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For the sake of Christ, then, I am content with weaknesses, insults, hardships, persecutions, and calamities. For when I am weak, then I am strong. 2 Corinthians 12:10 ESV I hate looking weak and being a 5’3″ woman doesn’t help that perception. Maybe that is why I like martial arts so much. I feel strong,…
httpv://www.youtube.com/watch?v=B1u76i69Bxg Would you consider liking my Facebook fan page? Click on the Facebook icon under my picture in the right hand column. When you get to my Facebook page click the like button. My goal is 250 likes prior to July 15. I am getting close! Thanks for all your help!
The world may be forever changed. Seriously. Two things happened this weekend that may change the way atoms react. 1. I said that Mark Cuban was gracious. FYI Mark Cuban is the owner of the Mavericks 2011 NBA CHAMPIONSHIP team. I love basketball and I lived in Dallas for a while. So the Mavs are…
Yesterday I shared a time when God was speaking to me. Today I want to help you determine how do you know it is God speaking? 1. God’s way takes us out of our comfort zones so that we cannot do it on our own strength. I was confident as a teacher of God’s word…
Last week was extremely busy. Three programs, one field trip, my in-laws came to visit, and field day at school. I was running, running, running. When days are busy I don’t take good care of myself. I don’t sleep when I should, I don’t eat what I should. I begin to run on empty. Spiritually…
My stomach often seems to be unsatisfied. It rumbles and gurgles begging for more. Sometimes I cannot trust it’s appetite. There are times I cannot seem to be filled no matter how much I eat. Those are the days that I feel like I could cut off my own arm and eat it if nothing…
Yesterday was quite the day. My little man decided he wanted to wear underwear, but not go to the potty. I am sure you can imagine the issue. He did inform me that he didn’t want to go poo-poo and so he didn’t. I am not sure what that means for his teachers at school…
I told you I finally saw my name in print the other day. Yes, my first published article! Guess what? Now you can see it! Click on the resource topic to your left and in there you will find my new article. It is about my in-vitro fertilization journey. I hope it is helpful for…
Vigil to watch, to awaken, to arouse…purposeful intentional watchfulness for something that is about to happen. Marsha Ford spoke on Friday night at our ladies retreat about keeping vigil. That God keeps vigil over us, but that we are to keep vigil for God, to honor Him so that generations to come may also know…
My eyes open and I check my phone. 5:30 AM, only about four hours of sleep. I lay there in my top bunk hoping to get a few more minutes of sleep. Sleep doesn’t come. In an effort not to wake the seven other women in my room, I attempt to silently shimmy down my…
We are at war. We, in the US, have troops fighting in Iraq, Afghanistan, and Libya. All day long our soldiers wear armor. Bulletproof vests and helmets. They carry weapons to mount offensives. They are tough. I wonder what would happen if everyday we followers of Christ would remember we are at war. What if…
The question hangs in the air. It asked by countless people across the world. “Why is Good Friday called good?” That question reverberates with me each year as Easter approaches. I wonder how I can celebrate a sham of a trial, an innocent man sentenced to die, a gruesome death, and all for me. But…
Sycamore trees fascinate me. We have several small ones in our front yard. Until about a week ago they held tight to their brown dead leaves – leaves that were once bright and green. Early last fall they turned a beautiful orange color and then they turned brown and drab. Those stubborn trees held tight…
If you have been reading my blog regularly, you know I am memorizing James and I am praying on my knees for at least 15 minutes a week. Are you joining me? Let me know by leaving a comment and telling me about where you are in James or what God has been doing in…
This is a journal entry I wrote while at a ladies retreat. I was reflecting on the following verses: Psalm 42:1-2 1 As the deer pants for streams of water, so my soul pants for you, my God. 2 My soul thirsts for God, for the living God. When can I go and meet with…
If God’s plans can’t be thwarted, if He is omniscient, if He is omnipotent, then why pray? What difference does it really make? Logically it doesn’t make sense. And yet: God tells us to pray… Ephesians 6:18 “And pray in the Spirit on all occasions with all kinds of prayers and requests. With this in…
It came. The e-mail. The one I have been waiting over seven months for. The e-mail from the publisher. You know the publisher who accepted my book proposal last July at the SheSpeaks (writing/speaking) conference. Yes that e-mail. The one in the first few weeks that I waited with bated breath to come. I would…
Facebook status: “My last ultrasound showed my baby was small, next test scheduled on Tuesday.” I commented: “Praying for you.” Facebook status: “My husband is going on his 50th job interview over the last nine months. Pray he gets this one.” Many comment: “Praying” The question is what does “praying for you” really mean? Do…
httpv://www.youtube.com/watch?v=vFND0mLDKpo What is not going “your way,” but God’s way? Share what God is doing in His way. I can’t wait to hear about what He is doing for you.
“‘cchaeus, mommy I wuv dat song,” he lisps as he stands unmoving in the middle of the hallway of his school. “You sing it mommy pwease,” his eyes dance as he smiles and nods at me. In my head I had a check-list of all the things we needed to do before picking up his…
Ding-Dong! DIIINNNNGGGG-DOOONNNNGGGG! Rap-rap-rap-rap. Inwardly I sigh. My mind begins to roll. Didn’t I just send them outside to play? Isn’t their dad outside with them? I am just trying to get dinner started! UGH!!! I am being interrupted. Reluctantly I turn the water off and slowly with mind still churning and frustration mounting I plod…
Honor has become an important word in my house. In fact it is a word that has changed how I parent, how I think, and how I view my life before God. The idea started when I read a book, Say Goodbye to Whining, Complaining, and Bad Attitudes in You and Your Kids by Turansky…
Last week I got a call from my sister. She was preparing a devotional talk for the inmates at a woman’s prison. She and several other women go to the jail to play basketball with the inmates and share Christ with them. She had a great idea about what to share, but needed some direction….
Her eyes sparkle with awe, wonder, joy. Suddenly her eyes moisten slightly as sadness darkens her countenance. Her eyes betray her inner struggle, but only briefly. The joy returns as she bends to talk to my little man. I recognize the emotion in her eyes. I have seen it before – in the mirror. It…
My soul feels raw. As if it had been drug down a carpeted hall at break-neck speed. A dry, burning, prickly raw-ness that hurts, hints, points and practically begs to be noticed… Oh, but I am too busy. Want to read the rest? It is over at (in)courage. I have the honor of being one…
Did you know that I am writing a book? I have a few friends reading over the manuscript currently. One of them e-mailed me and said that the difference between Christians and Non-Christians is their foundation. The wise builder and the foolish builder went through the same flood, but the one with the firm foundation…
Here is another vlog for your enjoyment. I only wish you all could comment back in video form to my blog. Wouldn’t that be cool? httpv://www.youtube.com/watch?v=6lscIULxI6k
I seriously have an issue with Valentine’s Day. As a kid my parents did give us candy and tell us they loved us. At school I got candy and those little cards that get thrown away almost as soon as you get home. I gave them too. As I got older, I secretly wished a…
We open our hearts to one another. Share the hard things. The stuff that we struggle with. The things that leave our souls raw. The things we know are not quite right, but are not sure how to change. Some of the raw places are of our own making and others are wounds caused by…
“It’s my dun mommy,” his voice louder than necessary as he points to a plastic cap on his coat. “I shoot bad duys [guys].” “Shhh, it is OK to pretend to shoot bad guys, but we need to use our indoor voice,” I encourage and quietly pray no one heard him. He persists in describing…
The tears started to flow. I felt terrible. I had forgotten. The full parking lot told the story. TODAY WAS MOMS AND MUFFINS! The day when I am supposed to get up early and get the kids to school early so we can eat muffins or donuts and hang out together. I had completely forgotten….
Well, I finally figured out my YouTube issue I had yesterday. So now you can see my vlog! Woo Hoo! Also I want to thank Julie Gillies for the tweet that inspired this vlog! httpv://www.youtube.com/watch?v=HdWY5eVySHA Can’t wait to hear what you think! Jump in and share!
Growth is my word for 2011. I felt God had stretched me in 2010 and now He needs to grow me into those stretched out places. Oh, but often growth is painful… I remember being in the fourth grade and hitting a growth spurt (if you could call it that). I am vertically challenged. In…
Sometimes simple things point to profound spiritual truths. The egg. Three parts – the shell, the white, the yoke – yet one egg. God. Three persons – the Father, the Son, the Holy Spirit – yet one God. So what happened over 2,000 years ago when Jesus came to Earth? God cracked His egg. He…
I love the apostle Paul and the words God gave Him to write. He doesn’t beat about the bush. He gets to the heart of the matter and tells you exactly what is going on. “Foolish Galatians…” he wrote in Galatians 3:1. That comment makes me sit up a listen. I love to hear others…
I am enthralled with the Chilean mine rescue that is continuing as I type these words. I am amazed at God’s perfect provision for these men. I am awed at the faith, courage, and perseverance these men have displayed. The idea of being trapped underground for one hour freaks me out. The fact that these…
You know how God has a way of using your words against you? My last post was on being clear minded…Well, I have been anything BUT clear minded lately. Let me give you an example… Fall is the time I LOVE to burn candles. I don’t know why, but I do. So I lit several…
“The end of all things is near. Therefore be clear minded…” 1 Peter 4:7 You can check out part one of this post here. Since the end of all things is near – near in God’s sense of time, not ours – Peter gives us instructions. There first instruction is to be clear minded. Honestly…
I have had this subtle, but real discussion with God lately. He is asking, “Do you trust Me?” My knee jerk response is much like Peter’s response to Jesus after Jesus rose from the dead. He asks Peter, “Do you love Me?” Peter says, “yes.” Jesus asks him three times. Peter responds three times. By…
Call me crazy. You may already think that I am. A few weeks ago God laid something on my heart. Pray for Noah. I know several Noah’s. I have a nephew Noah, a friend’s child is Noah, there is a baby named Noah at church. I can’t tell you why I am praying for Noah,…
“Submit woman,” booms a joking, but attempting an authoritative voice. Then laughter quickly follows. We all snicker at the idea of submission, especially in our culture of individual rights. Who would ever lay down their own rights and their own desires for someone else? The problem is that we have submission and oppression confused. Oppression…
Last Wednesday was the 20 year anniversary of See Ya At The Pole. Students in junior high and high schools across the globe gather at the flag pole to pray. I remember being at the flag pole in front of my school that first year, twenty years ago. My heart was skipping beats. I felt…
I know God has plans for me, yet I long for a child. I am content and full in Him, but I long. I hunger for more. I desire more. In that longing, however there is contentment. The kind that says, “God I trust my dream to Your plans.” I still hope, I still long,…
There it was on the counter, three containers of milk, a bottle of allergy medicine, and a stick of deodorant for my husband, a testimony to God’s faithfulness, His provision. Oh and conviction for sin in my life. Seriously? How could something so mundane as what was on my counter SCREAM God is faithful, He…
Lately my left eye has been twitching. I trace the twitching back to the inordinate amount of screaming that has been occurring around my house lately. I am not sure why the trend has swung in this direction, but it is true. I have heard just general weeping and gnashing of teeth, to the more…
Oh to hold you in my arms, to watch you while you sleep; to wrap your tiny hand in mine, to kiss your soft pudgy cheek. Oh to know the sound of your cry, to see the sparkle in your eye, to know your gender, to say your name, all privileges never attained. My precious…
Infertility is the cause of many tears I have shed over the last five years. Sometimes I was so raw that I felt the tears would never stop. A flood from some deep dark place that would only ebb for a few hours and then break loose again. What is truly amazing to me is…
I love to know and understand the big picture. Even my kids crave to know, “why do we have to pick up our toys?!” I try to paint the rosy picture of a house tidy and organized, so when you wanted your teeny-tiny Strawberry Shortcake and her itty-bitty less than a centimeter across plate of…
As I sat in church one Sunday I was distracted. There was a precious child sitting behind me with his grandparents. He was cooing, drinking a bottle, smiling, and laughing. I smiled and a tear developed in my eye as my heart constricted. I wondered how any of us make it through Sunday morning at…
Call me crazy, but I love food and I love to try different things. My kids have watched the movie Ratatouille more times than I can count and I decided I wanted to try to make it. Mind you, I didn’t want to make the difficult gourmet version as Remi did on the movie. No…
I am in a waiting period in my infertility journey, but many of you are in a season of going. Going involves a different kind of waiting. When we are going, we wait for doctors, test results, social workers, or parental rights to be revoked. This waiting is filled with hope, expectation, and possibility. During…
Isaiah 40:31 “but they who wait for the Lord shall renew their strength; they shall mount up with wings like eagles; they shall run and not be weary; they shall walk and not faint.” So we are waiting for God to perform a miracle. Right? A miracle in our bodies, so we can have a…
Have you ever tried to change a two-year old’s clothes while he or she is clinging to a “treasure.” It could be a book or a toy or a shoe for that matter, but he does not want to let it go. You pull the shirt over his head and his hand will not go…
I confess I am not always eloquent, nor do I much grace. I am a klutz who is too familiar with the taste of foot because I often find my foot in my mouth. When it comes to infertility it seems the world around us has foot-in-mouth disease. People say things that must seem funny…
Yesterday I made dinner and dessert for a friend going through a hard time. I was feeling pretty good about my endeavors as I loaded the food into my van. One of the latches of the cake saver failed. At least one-third of the cake was now in the back of my van. Literally, it…
I have been praying for a miracle. A miracle within my body so I can somehow conceive another child naturally; or a miracle that lands an orphan on my doorstep ready for adoption, no strings attached; or the biggest miracle of all, the one in my heart for contentment for my current situation. I am…
“I can do all things through Him [Christ] who strengthens me.” Phil 4:13 This verse has become cliché in Christian circles. We spout it when someone complains, “it is hard,” or “I can’t do it.” We glibly rattle it off to our friend who is struggling with pain and loss. We think it is GREAT…
I hate to admit it, but I am ungrateful. Often I do not appreciate how hard my husband works, nor do I thank my children when they are kind to each other or pick up after themselves. No, I expect those behaviors. I expect as part of our marriage contract that my husband works outside…
While trying to conceive, each month feels like a storm. The storm starts brewing as you plot and plan, watch and wait for the “perfect” time to baby dance. The clouds get darker and stormier as your hope increases because the timing was perfect. The winds start to howl as your hormones are whipped into…
Infertility isn’t fair. Especially since we want babies, we would be great moms, so why can’t we have children? That question has been bouncing around in my brain lately. Especially after news that a sweet friend has finished her journey of fertility treatments unsuccessfully and another sweet friend is feeling that baby hunger again years…
If I had a penny for the number of times I have said, “It isn’t fair,” I would be a rich woman. Then if I add in the times I have heard it from my kids, my friends, my family, even some of my patients (back in my nursing days) I would probably be richer…
Uncertainty and fear become constant companions when you desire to have children and cannot. You are constantly assessing your body either for ovulation signs in order to correctly time the deed, or for signs that you are indeed pregnant. I pinned my hope for joy and peace on being pregnant. If only that second line…
I have mentioned in the past that I have been writing things down for YEARS. In fact I have some thing I wrote in grade school squirreled away in a notebook. For grins I started reading some of the things I wrote back when. Unfortunately I rarely wrote a date on things. However the fact…
Infertility is full of so many uncertainties. We question everything. Why am I unable to conceive? Did I eat the wrong thing? Did I make poor choices in my past? Did I do something, anything that has caused this pain? Our hearts are condemning us. They are calling us guilty. Guilty of being unable to…
I have to admit that lately I have felt FRUSTRATED! I have made no less than nine calls to service departments for repairs around the house in the last month. Not to mention that my van’s paint job is peeling, the CD player broke, and the breaks are starting to squeal. Then there is the…
I am weird. No really I am. I like Star Trek, and Lord of the Rings. I enjoy basketball, football, and reading. I love Jane Austen books and have read some of them 3 times or more. I appreciate the movies based on the books. I am a kindred spirit of Anne of Green Gables,…
I have become a crier. I HATE it. I don’t like crying in front of people, or being vulnerable. My mascara runs even though I use the “waterproof” kind. Then I walk around half the day with dark smudges under my eyes and no-body tells me. Do not get me wrong, I have more days…
Infertility often brings out the worst in us. Hurting and sad, we lash out and turn inward. We covet what others have and we have a difficult time entering their joy. I remember vividly the day my older sister called me to tell me she was pregnant. Do not get me wrong. I felt excited for…
Psalm 40:1-3 “I waited patiently for the LORD; he turned to me and heard my cry. He lifted me out of the slimy pit, out of the mud and mire; he set my feet on a rock and gave me a firm place to stand. He put a new song in my mouth, a hymn of praise to our God. Many…
“I waited patiently for the LORD; He turned to me and heard my cry.” Psalm 40:1 My simple mind read that verse and thought I know what waiting patiently looks like. You are quiet and still and waiting. Right? That is what I teach my children. My two year-old whines, “Milk-y, milk-y, milk-y.” (I do…
When God is teaching me something, He often gives me opportunities at putting those new lessons in action. I had no idea that a lamp would provide such a lesson, but then again who knew a plunger could help either? I recently purchased a lamp for my second blessing, L. Her bare nightstand begged for…
Often on this infertility journey, we look around us and see what other people have. That sweet family of five, the teenage girl who is pregnant and unable or unwilling to take care of her baby, or even your best friend or sister is pregnant, why not me or you? Sisters that is a trap…
I left you hanging with my final three babies. As I mentioned earlier, I never planned on transferring more than two embryos for fear of high order multiple pregnancy. All of my embryos were “high quality.” ***Side note*** Yes, the embryologist actually grades your embryos. I have found it interesting that the quality doesn’t seem…
I rubbed a blister on my hand today. I rubbed the blister into the palm of my right hand with the handle of a plunger. Yes, a NASTY plunger. It wasn’t the first time this week I had to plunge out a certain someone’s toilet. In fact it was just yesterday that I found my sweet…
Artificial hormones are harder on my body than my regular ones. More nausea, more pregnancy-like symptoms do not necessarily mean you are pregnant. So I had to learn to hope in God not my body. “but those who hope in the LORD will renew their strength. They will soar on wings like eagles; they will…
Someone much smarter than me, but I can’t figure out who that someone is, said or wrote, “Steps of faith often begin with seeds of fear.” Fear and faith. Together. Fear. Fear of God, fear of failure, fear of appearing crazy, fear of being a hypocrite. God often calls me to do something that is…
Samuel at the end of his tenure as Israel’s High Priest and Judge, probably felt like an epic failure. His sons were not following in his faith. They behaved wickedly, took bribes, and did not obey God. (1 Samuel 8) Not only did his sons not follow God, but the whole nation was looking for an…
Have you ever looked back over a day or a month or a year and been in awe of God’s perfect timing? How He orchestrates our lives with such minute detail? Have you ever wondered what would have happened if – I was earlier, later, or went a different direction? Maybe things would be different,…
Acts 4:13 “When they saw the courage of Peter and John and realized that they were unschooled, ordinary men, they were astonished and they took note that these men had been with Jesus.” So Peter and John were ordinary. These are the men who have done miracles and seen miracles, but they are ordinary. These…
I will be honest, the idea of having ten children, remember I had one living child prior to IVF, was frightening to me. My first child was, well, strong-willed to put it bluntly. So the idea of having nine more children with similar dispositions scared the wits out of me. I wondered what God was…
I like to think I can pretty much do anything I try, by myself. I don’t need help to open jars or get on ladders. I can do it myself. I like to think that I am helpful to others, but that I don’t need help. I like to think I have it all together….
The journey of infertility is filled with pain, grief, and isolation. However there is a God of the journey, orchestrating each step for His perfect purpose. I found comfort in knowing that when I was in the midst of the darkest parts of my personal journey. Although, my husband and I already had one child,…
Confession time again. Dental health workers please do not hold this against me. I am not an example for dental health practices. Do not try this at home. I do not floss. I hate to floss. I promise I have tried. I find it time-consuming and uncomfortable. Instead of flossing, I have found that mouth…
I am treading uncharted waters. I have felt God’s call on my life for years, but have not known which direction this call would lead. In the past I have thought it would lead me down certain paths, only to discover I was WRONG! I have waited and prayed for God’s direction. Now I know…
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