Confessions…

I haven’t posted in a really long time. That isn’t really a confession since I am sure you have noticed. However, the reason behind this lack of posting is truly interesting. I have been feeling dry and raw. I think we all periodically feel distant or prickly or like our hearts are on the wrong…

Chilean Mine Rescue

I am enthralled with the Chilean mine rescue that is continuing as I type these words. I am amazed at God’s perfect provision for these men. I am awed at the faith, courage, and perseverance these men have displayed. The idea of being trapped underground for one hour freaks me out. The fact that these…

Clear Minded…

You know how God has a way of using your words against you? My last post was on being clear minded…Well, I have been anything BUT clear minded lately. Let me give you an example… Fall is the time I LOVE to burn candles. I don’t know why, but I do. So I lit several…

Do You Trust Me?

I have had this subtle, but real discussion with God lately. He is asking, “Do you trust Me?” My knee jerk response is much like Peter’s response to Jesus after Jesus rose from the dead. He asks Peter, “Do you love Me?” Peter says, “yes.” Jesus asks him three times. Peter responds three times. By…

Finding Joy…

Dreams deferred often equates to joy deferred. During this IF journey, I have often struggled with finding joy in today. I am fixed on joy when I finally get a baby, instead of joy today. So in the process of finding joy today, I want us all to think of things we are grateful for…

1,000 Gifts…

I am going to join the Gratitude Community and start listing things for which I am thankful for…I hope you enjoy this list. It will become a regular part of my blog and I hope that it blesses you. 1. For God, that He created the Earth knowing He would have to send His Son…

Pole Prayer

Last Wednesday was the 20 year anniversary of See Ya At The Pole. Students in junior high and high schools across the globe gather at the flag pole to pray. I remember being at the flag pole in front of my school that first year, twenty years ago. My heart was skipping beats. I felt…

Precision Living

There it was on the counter, three containers of milk, a bottle of allergy medicine, and a stick of deodorant for my husband, a testimony to God’s faithfulness, His provision. Oh and conviction for sin in my life. Seriously? How could something so mundane as what was on my counter SCREAM God is faithful, He…

The Big Picture

I love to know and understand the big picture. Even my kids crave to know, “why do we have to pick up our toys?!” I try to paint the rosy picture of a house tidy and organized, so when you wanted your teeny-tiny Strawberry Shortcake and her itty-bitty less than a centimeter across plate of…

Faithfulness

“The Lord’s lovingkindnesses indeed never cease, for His compassions never fail. They are new every morning; great is Your faithfulness.” Lamentations 3:22-23 (NASB) I like to think that I am faithful. I do not cheat, I do not steal, I mostly do what I say I will do. I am patient, at least most of…

Figuring it All Out

I have been spending too much time figuring out how to make my blog prettier. Seriously. So I don’t have the greatest post planned. However I have been memorizing with my oldest child a great verse I wanted to share. Deuteronomy 31:8 “The LORD Himself goes before you and will be with you; He will…

Ratatouille

Call me crazy, but I love food and I love to try different things. My kids have watched the movie Ratatouille more times than I can count and I decided I wanted to try to make it. Mind you, I didn’t want to make the difficult gourmet version as Remi did on the movie. No…

Time to Go

I am in a waiting period in my infertility journey, but many of you are in a season of going. Going involves a different kind of waiting. When we are going, we wait for doctors, test results, social workers, or parental rights to be revoked. This waiting is filled with hope, expectation, and possibility. During…

Strength in Waiting

Isaiah 40:31 “but they who wait for the Lord shall renew their strength; they shall mount up with wings like eagles; they shall run and not be weary; they shall walk and not faint.” So we are waiting for God to perform a miracle. Right? A miracle in our bodies, so we can have a…

Dodging Arrows

I confess I am not always eloquent, nor do I much grace. I am a klutz who is too familiar with the taste of foot because I often find my foot in my mouth. When it comes to infertility it seems the world around us has foot-in-mouth disease. People say things that must seem funny…

Christ’s Strength

“I can do all things through Him [Christ] who strengthens me.” Phil 4:13 This verse has become cliché in Christian circles. We spout it when someone complains, “it is hard,” or “I can’t do it.” We glibly rattle it off to our friend who is struggling with pain and loss. We think it is GREAT…

Ungrateful

I hate to admit it, but I am ungrateful. Often I do not appreciate how hard my husband works, nor do I thank my children when they are kind to each other or pick up after themselves. No, I expect those behaviors. I expect as part of our marriage contract that my husband works outside…

Anchor in the Storm

While trying to conceive, each month feels like a storm. The storm starts brewing as you plot and plan, watch and wait for the “perfect” time to baby dance. The clouds get darker and stormier as your hope increases because the timing was perfect. The winds start to howl as your hormones are whipped into…

Hoping in…WHAT?

Uncertainty and fear become constant companions when you desire to have children and cannot. You are constantly assessing your body either for ovulation signs in order to correctly time the deed, or for signs that you are indeed pregnant. I pinned my hope for joy and peace on being pregnant. If only that second line…

Healthy Fear…

I have mentioned in the past that I have been writing things down for YEARS. In fact I have some thing I wrote in grade school squirreled away in a notebook. For grins I started reading some of the things I wrote back when. Unfortunately I rarely wrote a date on things. However the fact…

No Condemnation

Infertility is full of so many uncertainties. We question everything. Why am I unable to conceive? Did I eat the wrong thing? Did I make poor choices in my past? Did I do something, anything that has caused this pain? Our hearts are condemning us. They are calling us guilty. Guilty of being unable to…

Blessedly Frustrated

I have to admit that lately I have felt FRUSTRATED! I have made no less than nine calls to service departments for repairs around the house in the last month. Not to mention that my van’s paint job is peeling, the CD player broke, and the breaks are starting to squeal. Then there is the…

A Song of Praise

Psalm 40:1-3 “I waited patiently for the LORD; he turned to me and heard my cry. He lifted me out of the slimy pit, out of the mud and mire; he set my feet on a rock and gave me a firm place to stand. He put a new song in my mouth, a hymn of praise to our God. Many…

Active Patience

“I waited patiently for the LORD; He turned to me and heard my cry.” Psalm 40:1 My simple mind read that verse and thought I know what waiting patiently looks like. You are quiet and still and waiting. Right? That is what I teach my children. My two year-old whines, “Milk-y, milk-y, milk-y.” (I do…

The Lamp Lesson

When God is teaching me something, He often gives me opportunities at putting those new lessons in action. I had no idea that a lamp would provide such a lesson, but then again who knew a plunger could help either? I recently purchased a lamp for my second blessing, L. Her bare nightstand begged for…

The Final Three

I left you hanging with my final three babies. As I mentioned earlier, I never planned on transferring more than two embryos for fear of high order multiple pregnancy. All of my embryos were “high quality.” ***Side note*** Yes, the embryologist actually grades your embryos. I have found it interesting that the quality doesn’t seem…

Epic Failure…

Samuel at the end of his tenure as Israel’s High Priest and Judge, probably felt like an epic failure. His sons were not following in his faith. They behaved wickedly, took bribes, and did not obey God. (1 Samuel 8) Not only did his sons not follow God, but the whole nation was looking for an…

Timing is Everything

Have you ever looked back over a day or a month or a year and been in awe of God’s perfect timing? How He orchestrates our lives with such minute detail? Have you ever wondered what would have happened if – I was earlier, later, or went a different direction? Maybe things would be different,…

All By Myself…

I like to think I can pretty much do anything I try, by myself.  I don’t need help to open jars or get on ladders.  I can do it myself.  I like to think that I am helpful to others, but that I don’t need help.  I like to think I have it all together….

Son-glasses…

Envision a bright, sunny, winter day.  Snow is on the ground, and the sun creates a magnificently brilliant, and blinding glare.  That is the day this idea came to me.  I was walking between classes at college, without my sunglasses on, and God seemed to tell me.  “The reason you can’t look at My holiness,…

Confidence…

I am treading uncharted waters.  I have felt God’s call on my life for years, but have not known which direction this call would lead.  In the past I have thought it would lead me down certain paths, only to discover I was WRONG!  I have waited and prayed for God’s direction.  Now I know…

Dressing Rooms

I have a confession. I don’t like shopping for clothes. In fact if I could afford a personal shopper who was my exact size and shape, so I never had to step into a dressing room again, I would be a happy woman. I realize this may seem strange since I am a female, but it…

If MY People…

Have you ever noticed how easy it is to see the fault in other people?  She is just too demanding, he is needy.  If only she didn’t gossip (unfortunately we often gossip when we make this comment).  They drink too much, wear the wrong clothes.  Those people are not following God.  They should get their…

Water

I just got back from vacation in Jackson Hole, WY. Let me tell you it was beautiful and cool and we hiked until our seven-year old thought her feet may fall off. The thing about Jackson Hole is that it is about a mile above sea water and it has NO humidity. In fact it…

His Story!

So the Bible Study I have been attending and enjoying and growing in is taking a break for the summer.  Today we listened/watched to Iva May on a DVD tell God’s story in about 45 minutes.  Her blog is ivamaystories.blogspot.com I was in awe of God’s design of the world, His constant pointing to and…

Asking…

Have you ever been surprised at what God does when you actually ask Him?  Sometimes we Christians walk through life acting like, this is something I can handle or do on my own.  I’ll ask God when it is something big or I get into a crunch, but really He isn’t that interested in the…

Two Servants…

So my last post was on Naaman his account is in 2 Kings 5, but his account has other people in it.  Namely two servants.  The first one is a young girl.  She was kidnapped from her homeland, Israel, during a raid and brought to Naaman’s house to serve his wife.  We don’t know her…

That Day

Here is a poem I wrote dated 6-20-2002 That Day You cried for me that day. You cried for my waywardness. You cried for my pain. You thought of me and You cried. You prayed for me that day. You prayed for strength. You prayed against temptation. You thought of me and You prayed. You…

Oh Job…

So January found me reading Job.  I have to say that Job is a difficult book for me to wade through.  For one, the idea that God points out someone who is serving Him to Satan and says have you considered Job.  Makes me cringe a little.  Ok, it also makes me a bit excited….

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