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My right foot throbbed as I stood singing in the choir loft. When I sang, “You carry my healing in Your hands…” my heart jerked. Where’s your healing? It’s been nearly a year…Isn’t it hypocritical to sing of healing when you aren’t healed? My rebellious mind whirled. Your tubal pregnancies, failed IVF attempts, where is the healing there?…
For the sake of Christ, then, I am content with weaknesses, insults, hardships, persecutions, and calamities. For when I am weak, then I am strong. 2 Corinthians 12:10 ESV I hate looking weak and being a 5’3″ woman doesn’t help that perception. Maybe that is why I like martial arts so much. I feel strong,…
But you are a chosen race, a royal priesthood, a holy nation, a people for his own possession, that you may proclaim the excellencies of him who called you out of darkness into his marvelous light. 1 Peter 2:9 Failure. It is a label I carry around in my heart and mind. One I plaster…
For I desire steadfast love and not sacrifice, the knowledge of God rather than burnt offerings. Hosea 6:6 ESV If I narrowed my marriage down to a check-list what kind of marriage would it be? I said I do. Check. I live with him. Check. I take care of our kids. Check. Marriage is a relationship. One…
Truly, truly, I [Jesus] say to you, unless a grain of wheat falls into the earth and dies, it remains alone; but if it dies, it bears much fruit. John 12:24 ESV He held me in His hand. I saw the light of the sun and felt the cool breeze. Then one day He dropped me into…
And Jesus said to him, “‘If you can’! All things are possible for one who believes.” Immediately the father of the child cried out and said, “I believe; help my unbelief!” Mark 9:23-24 ESV “If only you had enough faith, you would be healed…” I’ve heard folks utter those words too many times. Is God really a great vending machine…
“…a stiff-necked people.” Over and over again as God deals with His chosen people – the Israelites – that is what He calls them. And as God chastises the Israelites those words echo in my heart and mind. I.AM.STIFF-NECKED. I am stubborn, rebellious, and just plain ignorant. Still God calls me His precious child, righteous,…
It has been too long since I sat down and wrote here. I’ve been somewhere on the crazy spectrum of busy since the end of May and things have slipped. Lots of things…especially the blog God called me to write. I could certainly blame the oversight on the crazy things going on around me. But…
You grow weary by the greatness of your way, but you did not say, ‘Despairing!’ You found the renewal of your strength, therefore you do not grow weak. Isaiah 57:10 The greatness of my way…The enormity of not only raising three kids, but teaching them…Hoping to instill a love for God and family and learning. While I stumble over…
They said it as they stood near a furnace hot enough to kill men who came near. Shadrach, Meshach, and Abednego told king Nebuchadnezzar, “. . .our God, whom we serve, is able to rescue us from the furnace of blazing fire. And from your hand, O king, let him rescue us. And if not,…
I stand and wonder. I strain my eyes to see the days, weeks, years that could be down that road. Murky images of maybes and what-ifs dance around the curve. I turn to look down the other path and hope to see something else. Something more substantial. Is this the road? Each path holds promise…
My fingers are not the most nimble and at times texting can be dangerous. The dreaded auto-correct makes an innocent text sound like a proposition. And when I meant to text my husband “Love U 2,” my finger slid or something it I sent “Love U 3.” I smiled and quickly sent another text “2….
Today I woke up feeling like all my nerves were raw. Every little thing that didn’t go right stretched and irritated. I spoke with an edge. I asked for forgiveness from. . . the whole family. . . more than once. SIGH! And it hurts because I don’t want to be cranky and mean. I…
Her eyes glistened slightly as her shoulders tightened. She sighed and blurted out, “Mom, I left my water bottle in my backpack and now there is a big mess.” My heart sank. I envisioned a huge puddle of water in the closet ruining the dark maple stained hardwood floor. “What do you mean big?” I…
Monday bombs exploded, lives changed, three died. And we didn’t know who it was. . . Thousands of miles away shocked I cried and prayed. I couldn’t imagine what those in Boston were experiencing. By Friday night we had two suspects – one was dead and the other in custody. Still we wonder. Who were…
Have you ever known you need to do something, but struggle doing it? You know you need to work-out regularly, but somehow the day gets away from you and then three weeks have gone by and you haven’t broken a sweat? You know you need to wake early in the morning because you are more…
Yesterday as I perused my blog stats, I discovered somebody got to my blog by typing in the search “marriage – what was God thinking.” I laughed because I thought, “yea what was God thinking?” Bringing a man and a woman together in the same house. Men and women really don’t “get” each other. Then…
I have a post at The M.O.M. Initiative today called How to Mother in the Spirit. Check it out if you have the time. Welcome everyone. I have been dwelling on God’s names lately because I am doing the Bible study Knowing God by Name by Mary Kassian. The more I know about God the…
My heart clenches as it rapidly pumps blood. Suddenly it drops to my stomach and my thoughts start spinning. My thoughts spin so wildly I wonder why the world is steady. Fear. It grips tight and it is a battle to break free. Most people would look at my life and what I do and…
Do you ever say something and immediately wish you could somehow swallow those words back down as if they never were? Then walk off thinking failure… Do you find yourself is situations of your own creating wondering how I got roped into doing this? Do you wonder if your heart is wrong if if you…
Josiah became king of Israel at the tender age of eight. When he was 16 he began to seek the Lord. Four years later at the age of twenty he began to tear down the places of idol worship. Six years later he began to rebuild the temple of God. When the book of the…
It starts innocently. I want to honor God with the gifts He has given me. So I step out and speak and blog and write. Soon others are blessed by what I do. I hear: “God has gifted you.” “I love your blog.” “You are a great teacher.” Those words encourage and build me up….
httpv://www.youtube.com/watch?v=B1u76i69Bxg Would you consider liking my Facebook fan page? Click on the Facebook icon under my picture in the right hand column. When you get to my Facebook page click the like button. My goal is 250 likes prior to July 15. I am getting close! Thanks for all your help!
The world may be forever changed. Seriously. Two things happened this weekend that may change the way atoms react. 1. I said that Mark Cuban was gracious. FYI Mark Cuban is the owner of the Mavericks 2011 NBA CHAMPIONSHIP team. I love basketball and I lived in Dallas for a while. So the Mavs are…
Yesterday I shared a time when God was speaking to me. Today I want to help you determine how do you know it is God speaking? 1. God’s way takes us out of our comfort zones so that we cannot do it on our own strength. I was confident as a teacher of God’s word…
I had already made up my mind. I knew that I knew what I wanted to do. I thought that God was on board with me. Do you see see the problem? The only thing holding me back? My husband. He said he didn’t have peace about it. I was reluctant to give my answer….
There is a lie that Satan likes us to believe. It is a lie that he has been telling since ancient times. In fact it is found in the oldest written book in the Bible. Job. The lie? If you only have enough faith only good things will happen to you. If you only believe…
My stomach often seems to be unsatisfied. It rumbles and gurgles begging for more. Sometimes I cannot trust it’s appetite. There are times I cannot seem to be filled no matter how much I eat. Those are the days that I feel like I could cut off my own arm and eat it if nothing…
Yesterday was quite the day. My little man decided he wanted to wear underwear, but not go to the potty. I am sure you can imagine the issue. He did inform me that he didn’t want to go poo-poo and so he didn’t. I am not sure what that means for his teachers at school…
I told you I finally saw my name in print the other day. Yes, my first published article! Guess what? Now you can see it! Click on the resource topic to your left and in there you will find my new article. It is about my in-vitro fertilization journey. I hope it is helpful for…
I see it in status updates on Facebook. “I won’t let you treat me like that.” I hear it on the news, “He only thought he could treat me like that!” Insert finger snap, head swivel, and the flashing lights of a police car as she is arrested for shooting her cheating boyfriend. Movies, books,…
My heart felt tight in my chest. According to my emotions, everything was wrong. Insidiously my emotions started to short circuit my brain. My thinking became muddled. My outlook became increasingly negative. Even things I was excited about seemed dull, lifeless, UGH! My emotions were in control and I didn’t like it. So I did…
Vigil to watch, to awaken, to arouse…purposeful intentional watchfulness for something that is about to happen. Marsha Ford spoke on Friday night at our ladies retreat about keeping vigil. That God keeps vigil over us, but that we are to keep vigil for God, to honor Him so that generations to come may also know…
We are at war. We, in the US, have troops fighting in Iraq, Afghanistan, and Libya. All day long our soldiers wear armor. Bulletproof vests and helmets. They carry weapons to mount offensives. They are tough. I wonder what would happen if everyday we followers of Christ would remember we are at war. What if…
“Sticks and stones may break my bones, but words will never hurt me,” my small voice sang. I have wanted to believe that words are just words and they don’t have real power to hurt. But even as a child singing those words they often sounded hollow. Words can and do hurt. They drip with…
“That’s a better present than my American Girl Doll,” my eight-year-old beamed. Her birthday landed on Easter Sunday this year and she received many gifts. She got her ears pierced, some new earrings, a new American Girl Doll, and even a new dress. But her best gift started last week. E, my eight-year-old, goes to…
Do you ever wonder what the day after Easter was like? The mountain top experience Jesus is alive, but do you wonder if the disciples doubt? Did Thomas’ doubts take seed in the others who saw Jesus? Did they begin to think maybe it was something we all ate? I wonder. I know I am…
Do you wonder on the Saturday after the cross, what Satan was thinking? Was he rejoicing over his conquest? Were he and his demons harassing the disciples and other followers of Jesus? Was he calling it his victory? Did he know yet exactly what Christ had done on the cross? The disciples, Christ’s followers, his…
The question hangs in the air. It asked by countless people across the world. “Why is Good Friday called good?” That question reverberates with me each year as Easter approaches. I wonder how I can celebrate a sham of a trial, an innocent man sentenced to die, a gruesome death, and all for me. But…
I have been memorizing the book of James. I am slowing down a bit, but I am more than half-way done. WOO HOO! This book is a challenging book. It is full of truths that begged to be lived out. One of those truths I memorized in the first chapter it says: “Religion that God…
Have you watched the movie Facing Giants? Here is a short scene I want you to watch: [youtube=http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=DKKfa7aDKHQ] God has given me a vision. It is a big one. One that I cannot make happen myself. One that I have to trust God to do in His time and in His way. At times this…
I witnessed a miracle yesterday. Actually I was the one healed, so this is pretty good stuff. Seriously… I couldn’t get up Monday morning. I hit snooze a few (five or six) times. Then I actually changed my alarm so I could get more than 9 minutes of sleep in a row. I was wiped…
Sycamore trees fascinate me. We have several small ones in our front yard. Until about a week ago they held tight to their brown dead leaves – leaves that were once bright and green. Early last fall they turned a beautiful orange color and then they turned brown and drab. Those stubborn trees held tight…
I avoid owners manuals like the plague. If I can’t figure out how to use something then it isn’t easy enough. I get irritated if it doesn’t make sense or I can’t make it work the way I want it to work. Then if I actually have to find the owner’s manual, I grumble, complain,…
It isn’t easy being me. I don’t mean my life is harder than average. I mean it is exhausting being me. One Saturday night my husband and I had an event to attend. I only had slight acquaintances with the attendees and a bad attitude. I didn’t want to go, I was uncomfortable, scared, and…
My blood pressure sky rockets as I say the same sentence for what feels like the millionth time. My words are unheeded. Water continues to fill the cup held by a small hand. The cup overflows. My floor is wet. He didn’t pay attention. As a rule we all need to pay attention or life…
My pulse quickens and my mouth goes dry. I take a deep breath because I know I cannot trust my first response. I need to pray as I gather my breath, I need words to say, I need to not say what my heart is screaming. My heart is twisting itself into knots, arching it’s…
I got behind. Out of routine, out of time, out of sync. Behind in my Chronological Bible reading. I needed to read half of the March 27th reading and all of March 28th reading on March 28th. Reading the Bible in chronological order means I am in the Old Testament and will be for most…
Last week was Spring Break. I loved it. I loved sleeping in (sort of you know kids don’t really ever sleep in), I enjoyed having friends over (tremendously), and I got to see my family (haven’t seen them since Thanksgiving). Oh, but my body prefers routine. I was unable or unwilling to get in bed…
If you have been reading my blog regularly, you know I am memorizing James and I am praying on my knees for at least 15 minutes a week. Are you joining me? Let me know by leaving a comment and telling me about where you are in James or what God has been doing in…
“The Lord Himself goes before you and will be with you; He will never leave you nor forsake you. Do not be afraid; do not be discouraged.” Deuteronomy 31:8 What a great promise that God is there before us, is with us, and never leaves us. Do you know who is speaking these words? It…
This is a journal entry I wrote while at a ladies retreat. I was reflecting on the following verses: Psalm 42:1-2 1 As the deer pants for streams of water, so my soul pants for you, my God. 2 My soul thirsts for God, for the living God. When can I go and meet with…
My heart thundered in my chest as I tied my shoe. I wanted to win…I got the ball and went up for a shot. I missed, but I knew I was fouled. You would have thought I was playing in the NCAA National Tournament. Instead I was nine-years-old playing 3-on-3 during recess with my friends….
Someone asked me knowing what I know now what I would tell my sixteen-year-old self if I could go back in time. Sixteen…Driving…High School…After school job…Kansas Bible Camp…Debate/Forensics (speaking tournaments not CSI type stuff)…Youth Group… I was the “good little Christian girl.” I carried my Bible to school. I helped lead a Bible Study (held…
If God’s plans can’t be thwarted, if He is omniscient, if He is omnipotent, then why pray? What difference does it really make? Logically it doesn’t make sense. And yet: God tells us to pray… Ephesians 6:18 “And pray in the Spirit on all occasions with all kinds of prayers and requests. With this in…
It came. The e-mail. The one I have been waiting over seven months for. The e-mail from the publisher. You know the publisher who accepted my book proposal last July at the SheSpeaks (writing/speaking) conference. Yes that e-mail. The one in the first few weeks that I waited with bated breath to come. I would…
Facebook status: “My last ultrasound showed my baby was small, next test scheduled on Tuesday.” I commented: “Praying for you.” Facebook status: “My husband is going on his 50th job interview over the last nine months. Pray he gets this one.” Many comment: “Praying” The question is what does “praying for you” really mean? Do…
I am studying the book of Daniel in Bible Study. I struggle studying prophecy. I just don’t have pertinent historical facts filed away in my brain. Then there are about as many ways to interpret prophecy as there are people. So the prophetic portions of Daniel have taught me three things. God has a plan,…
“Unless I see the nail marks in his hands and put my finger where the nails were, and put my hand into his side, I will not believe.” (John 20:25) I imagine Thomas said these words with tears in his eyes, arms crossed, and maybe with a foot stamp at the end just for emphasis….
Taking a deep breath. Special time with my Lord. Time with my family (we slept on air mattresses in the living room Friday night). Continuing my workout routine (if four days can be called a routine ;). What are your Saturdays for?
I used to know a lot more than I do now. I had the best opinions about everything. I knew how to solve complicated problems because I was right. I was going to be President. It would be easy, I already had all the answers. I didn’t have experience, but I didn’t need it. I…
Am I crazy? The question rattled around in my brain and down to my heart. The silence was deafening. My heart beat quickened as I twisted myself into a pretzel. Stomach on the bed, rear in the air, twisting enough to get that injection in my hip. I knew I didn’t want the soreness putting…
Ding-Dong! DIIINNNNGGGG-DOOONNNNGGGG! Rap-rap-rap-rap. Inwardly I sigh. My mind begins to roll. Didn’t I just send them outside to play? Isn’t their dad outside with them? I am just trying to get dinner started! UGH!!! I am being interrupted. Reluctantly I turn the water off and slowly with mind still churning and frustration mounting I plod…
Honor has become an important word in my house. In fact it is a word that has changed how I parent, how I think, and how I view my life before God. The idea started when I read a book, Say Goodbye to Whining, Complaining, and Bad Attitudes in You and Your Kids by Turansky…
Last week I got a call from my sister. She was preparing a devotional talk for the inmates at a woman’s prison. She and several other women go to the jail to play basketball with the inmates and share Christ with them. She had a great idea about what to share, but needed some direction….
Her eyes sparkle with awe, wonder, joy. Suddenly her eyes moisten slightly as sadness darkens her countenance. Her eyes betray her inner struggle, but only briefly. The joy returns as she bends to talk to my little man. I recognize the emotion in her eyes. I have seen it before – in the mirror. It…
Don’t ask me why, but I am still amazed at God. I guess that is good, but it seems I should expect Him to do something unexpected. Yet I am forever amazed. What has so amazed me this time? That He would use me. Don’t get me wrong. I think I am pretty smart, I…
My soul feels raw. As if it had been drug down a carpeted hall at break-neck speed. A dry, burning, prickly raw-ness that hurts, hints, points and practically begs to be noticed… Oh, but I am too busy. Want to read the rest? It is over at (in)courage. I have the honor of being one…
Did you know that I am writing a book? I have a few friends reading over the manuscript currently. One of them e-mailed me and said that the difference between Christians and Non-Christians is their foundation. The wise builder and the foolish builder went through the same flood, but the one with the firm foundation…
Here is another vlog for your enjoyment. I only wish you all could comment back in video form to my blog. Wouldn’t that be cool? httpv://www.youtube.com/watch?v=6lscIULxI6k
“EWWWWWWWW…MOOOOOOMMMMMYYYYY, J pooped,” her voice shakes the paintings on the walls as she flees her brother’s presence. “J we don’t want to play with you when you stink,” his other sister chimes in with the painful truth. I wince to hear her shun her brother. Oh, but I understand why. In fact there is a…
The crowds scream. They can taste the upset. My team is choking hard. It is ugly. I turn away to write this post. I love college basketball and I love watching the Jayhawks, but my identity is not wrapped up in whether they win or lose. I’ll be honest, I get really into these games….
I seriously have an issue with Valentine’s Day. As a kid my parents did give us candy and tell us they loved us. At school I got candy and those little cards that get thrown away almost as soon as you get home. I gave them too. As I got older, I secretly wished a…
We open our hearts to one another. Share the hard things. The stuff that we struggle with. The things that leave our souls raw. The things we know are not quite right, but are not sure how to change. Some of the raw places are of our own making and others are wounds caused by…
Deep down that word makes me cringe. It makes the inner rebellious child in me stand up and say, “I don’t need anyone to tell me what to do.” It is hard for me to swallow the truth that I need help. The bottom line is that I like to think I have it all…
My eyes pricked with tears – tears seem to come frequently – as I choked out the words to the song. Grateful, humbling, overwhelming tears. The kind that come from deep joy, deep sorrow, and the awe of amazing grace. The joy that God would save me, the sorrow that my sin would cost Him…
“It’s my dun mommy,” his voice louder than necessary as he points to a plastic cap on his coat. “I shoot bad duys [guys].” “Shhh, it is OK to pretend to shoot bad guys, but we need to use our indoor voice,” I encourage and quietly pray no one heard him. He persists in describing…
The tears started to flow. I felt terrible. I had forgotten. The full parking lot told the story. TODAY WAS MOMS AND MUFFINS! The day when I am supposed to get up early and get the kids to school early so we can eat muffins or donuts and hang out together. I had completely forgotten….
We had a snow/ice day yesterday in my house. All three kids home from school. Me unable to do most of what I planned on doing. Here is a brief synopsis of my day… 1. Got to sleep in a bit! YEAH… 2. During lunch I decided to put bowls out to catch snow (the…
My blessings have been prodding and poking the painful places in my soul lately. As God is apt to do He uses their naivety to shed light on things I would prefer to leave in the dark. He shakes me awake through them as they open their hearts to me… “Mommy, I want another baby…
Yesterday I woke up in pain. Long story, but I got kicked (purely accidental) hard in the head while I was sleeping. So I ended up with essentially whip lash…I have had it twice due to car crashes…This kick brought it back. So I stood in our church service and felt like I may vomit…
Sleeping in (sort of) at least until 7:00 AM if that counts… Ibuprofen for the head injury I received when a certain 4-year-old kicked me in the head while she was sleeping. Playing outside in the unseasonably warm weather… Talking through sibling relationship issues with a 7-year-old. Sipping some coffee (from a cup my friend…
In case you have a picture of me…Dressed perfectly…Perfect kids…Neat and tidy house…. Let me tell you the reality of me… 1. I LOVE to wear “work-out clothes.” Always. An elastic waistband and a cotton t-shirt make me smile. I feel home. Don’t get me wrong dressing up is ok, but I prefer active wear….
So God has been working on me about grace. I am slow to learn, but yesterday something came to me… When I remember that I am in desperate need of grace, I am free to extravagantly extend grace to others. It frees me up to love God for He is the giver of all grace…
“Hooters?!” I said incredulously as we drove past what used to be an empty commercial lot. “Yep,” my husband nodded and he made the first left turn after Hooters to head to our lot. The lot we were building our new house on. I could hear the questions before they came. The questions from little…
I feel blessed to help lead my church’s Wednesday night ministry to fifth and sixth graders. They challenge me, they ask me hard questions, they drive me to my knees often (either that they know Him better or that they sit quietly for two seconds in a row so they can learn). Anyway, last night…
Longing…Oh the stretching, longing, burning… The dream of what could be, where to go, but how to get there hangs in the air… We can’t see it. The journey from here to there, but the hope of there is planted firmly in our hearts. The here seems insignificant, unimportant, little. Oh but what we do…
Dr. Seuss wrote a book before he died titled My Many Colored Days. He describes how on different days he feels different. Well, today is a gray day. “Gray day…Everything is gray. I watch, but nothing moves today.” It is cool overcast winter day. The kind of day that the clouds look more like they…
Growth is my word for 2011. I felt God had stretched me in 2010 and now He needs to grow me into those stretched out places. Oh, but often growth is painful… I remember being in the fourth grade and hitting a growth spurt (if you could call it that). I am vertically challenged. In…
Nearly three years my quiet time was revolutionized when I was introduced to the Chronological Bible at a ladies retreat. It is a Bible that puts the Biblical account into chronological order and then into daily readings for each day of the year. For example January 1 the reading is Genesis 1:1-3:24. Since the Biblical…
My sweet girl, not quite eight, was sitting in church with me. She held tight to her treasure – a few coins she intended to offer to the Lord, placed in a special bag. As the offering plate passed by, she plopped her coins in the plate – a loud clinking sound. Then she turned…
I would LOVE to know if any of my posts really touched you. I would like to know if you have a favorite. Any on post that you remember or that particularly touched you? Here are a few links to my favorites of 2010: Poop Cake God Cracked the Egg Got Floss? Mittens in Summer…
I love this time of year. Christmas, the time we celebrate the birth of our God-man, baby-king, Word-became flesh, God with us. Then the end of the year. The time to think back about the year we are leaving and look forward to the New Year. I have to admit I am a bit of…
I long for the day when grief no longer taints joy. Our most joyful days on earth are tainted. Pain, fear, grief mingle and mix with our joy. Day I accepted Jesus as my Savior…Joy of forgiveness of sins, pure love from heaven washed the fear of hell away. Yet knowing some would still choose…
We went to visit family last week. We loaded the van with bags, toys, DVDs (to keep the kids from rioting), and presents. We were nearly done with our trip. About two-thirds of the way to our destination and it happened. I threw-up…in an empty cup, but none-the-less I lost my cookies. The next two…
The words hung in the air and flew like a dagger into my heart. “I hate you mommy.” I knew this phrase would come. I had prepared myself. However I expected it closer to puberty, not before my children were even in the double digits. Anger rises like a red flag waves in front of…
Some of you may know that I was attempting to keep up two different blogs. Yes. At one time I was writing about six posts a week. Just saying that makes me tired. So after much prayer and consideration, I decided to combine my two blogs. I will have a recurring “Infertility Girl” post about…
Sometimes simple things point to profound spiritual truths. The egg. Three parts – the shell, the white, the yoke – yet one egg. God. Three persons – the Father, the Son, the Holy Spirit – yet one God. So what happened over 2,000 years ago when Jesus came to Earth? God cracked His egg. He…
I love the apostle Paul and the words God gave Him to write. He doesn’t beat about the bush. He gets to the heart of the matter and tells you exactly what is going on. “Foolish Galatians…” he wrote in Galatians 3:1. That comment makes me sit up a listen. I love to hear others…
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