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For I desire steadfast love and not sacrifice, the knowledge of God rather than burnt offerings. Hosea 6:6 ESV If I narrowed my marriage down to a check-list what kind of marriage would it be? I said I do. Check. I live with him. Check. I take care of our kids. Check. Marriage is a relationship. One…
Truly, truly, I [Jesus] say to you, unless a grain of wheat falls into the earth and dies, it remains alone; but if it dies, it bears much fruit. John 12:24 ESV He held me in His hand. I saw the light of the sun and felt the cool breeze. Then one day He dropped me into…
And Jesus said to him, “‘If you can’! All things are possible for one who believes.” Immediately the father of the child cried out and said, “I believe; help my unbelief!” Mark 9:23-24 ESV “If only you had enough faith, you would be healed…” I’ve heard folks utter those words too many times. Is God really a great vending machine…
httpv://www.youtube.com/watch?v=B1u76i69Bxg Would you consider liking my Facebook fan page? Click on the Facebook icon under my picture in the right hand column. When you get to my Facebook page click the like button. My goal is 250 likes prior to July 15. I am getting close! Thanks for all your help!
The world may be forever changed. Seriously. Two things happened this weekend that may change the way atoms react. 1. I said that Mark Cuban was gracious. FYI Mark Cuban is the owner of the Mavericks 2011 NBA CHAMPIONSHIP team. I love basketball and I lived in Dallas for a while. So the Mavs are…
The deed is done and it stabs me through the heart. Their choices and actions stab and scrape against my soul. I cannot change their choices, all I can do is deal with the aftermath. Indignation rings and bounces in my heart and soul. “No one should act like this. Especially a fellow brother or…
I am excited to introduce you to my friend Jessica Kirkland. I asked her to share a time that she wrestled with God over some of her health problems. She is a mother of triplets (yes I said triplets), a soon to be realtor, and woman who loves God. She has a great head for…
I am standing in what feels like the eye of a change-hurricane.The place where I am not making major changes, but many close to me are. People moving away, folks finding new jobs. They are changing around me and I stand in the eye not changing, but watching the havoc that these changes are wreaking….
Yesterday I shared a time when God was speaking to me. Today I want to help you determine how do you know it is God speaking? 1. God’s way takes us out of our comfort zones so that we cannot do it on our own strength. I was confident as a teacher of God’s word…
I had already made up my mind. I knew that I knew what I wanted to do. I thought that God was on board with me. Do you see see the problem? The only thing holding me back? My husband. He said he didn’t have peace about it. I was reluctant to give my answer….
Last week was extremely busy. Three programs, one field trip, my in-laws came to visit, and field day at school. I was running, running, running. When days are busy I don’t take good care of myself. I don’t sleep when I should, I don’t eat what I should. I begin to run on empty. Spiritually…
There is a lie that Satan likes us to believe. It is a lie that he has been telling since ancient times. In fact it is found in the oldest written book in the Bible. Job. The lie? If you only have enough faith only good things will happen to you. If you only believe…
My stomach often seems to be unsatisfied. It rumbles and gurgles begging for more. Sometimes I cannot trust it’s appetite. There are times I cannot seem to be filled no matter how much I eat. Those are the days that I feel like I could cut off my own arm and eat it if nothing…
Yesterday was quite the day. My little man decided he wanted to wear underwear, but not go to the potty. I am sure you can imagine the issue. He did inform me that he didn’t want to go poo-poo and so he didn’t. I am not sure what that means for his teachers at school…
I told you I finally saw my name in print the other day. Yes, my first published article! Guess what? Now you can see it! Click on the resource topic to your left and in there you will find my new article. It is about my in-vitro fertilization journey. I hope it is helpful for…
I see it in status updates on Facebook. “I won’t let you treat me like that.” I hear it on the news, “He only thought he could treat me like that!” Insert finger snap, head swivel, and the flashing lights of a police car as she is arrested for shooting her cheating boyfriend. Movies, books,…
My heart felt tight in my chest. According to my emotions, everything was wrong. Insidiously my emotions started to short circuit my brain. My thinking became muddled. My outlook became increasingly negative. Even things I was excited about seemed dull, lifeless, UGH! My emotions were in control and I didn’t like it. So I did…
Vigil to watch, to awaken, to arouse…purposeful intentional watchfulness for something that is about to happen. Marsha Ford spoke on Friday night at our ladies retreat about keeping vigil. That God keeps vigil over us, but that we are to keep vigil for God, to honor Him so that generations to come may also know…
My eyes open and I check my phone. 5:30 AM, only about four hours of sleep. I lay there in my top bunk hoping to get a few more minutes of sleep. Sleep doesn’t come. In an effort not to wake the seven other women in my room, I attempt to silently shimmy down my…
“That’s a better present than my American Girl Doll,” my eight-year-old beamed. Her birthday landed on Easter Sunday this year and she received many gifts. She got her ears pierced, some new earrings, a new American Girl Doll, and even a new dress. But her best gift started last week. E, my eight-year-old, goes to…
Do you wonder on the Saturday after the cross, what Satan was thinking? Was he rejoicing over his conquest? Were he and his demons harassing the disciples and other followers of Jesus? Was he calling it his victory? Did he know yet exactly what Christ had done on the cross? The disciples, Christ’s followers, his…
The question hangs in the air. It asked by countless people across the world. “Why is Good Friday called good?” That question reverberates with me each year as Easter approaches. I wonder how I can celebrate a sham of a trial, an innocent man sentenced to die, a gruesome death, and all for me. But…
I have been memorizing the book of James. I am slowing down a bit, but I am more than half-way done. WOO HOO! This book is a challenging book. It is full of truths that begged to be lived out. One of those truths I memorized in the first chapter it says: “Religion that God…
httpv://www.youtube.com/watch?v=p1ZvoQU3Jx0
Sycamore trees fascinate me. We have several small ones in our front yard. Until about a week ago they held tight to their brown dead leaves – leaves that were once bright and green. Early last fall they turned a beautiful orange color and then they turned brown and drab. Those stubborn trees held tight…
It isn’t easy being me. I don’t mean my life is harder than average. I mean it is exhausting being me. One Saturday night my husband and I had an event to attend. I only had slight acquaintances with the attendees and a bad attitude. I didn’t want to go, I was uncomfortable, scared, and…
My pulse quickens and my mouth goes dry. I take a deep breath because I know I cannot trust my first response. I need to pray as I gather my breath, I need words to say, I need to not say what my heart is screaming. My heart is twisting itself into knots, arching it’s…
If you have been reading my blog regularly, you know I am memorizing James and I am praying on my knees for at least 15 minutes a week. Are you joining me? Let me know by leaving a comment and telling me about where you are in James or what God has been doing in…
This is a journal entry I wrote while at a ladies retreat. I was reflecting on the following verses: Psalm 42:1-2 1 As the deer pants for streams of water, so my soul pants for you, my God. 2 My soul thirsts for God, for the living God. When can I go and meet with…
I couldn’t understand what was happening. None of it made sense. It doesn’t happen this way. Yet there I was, in less than six months my ability to conceive was stripped from me. My tubes ruptured my womb empty, my heart grieving, my babies lost. I had so many questions that didn’t have answers, at…
httpv://www.youtube.com/watch?v=vFND0mLDKpo What is not going “your way,” but God’s way? Share what God is doing in His way. I can’t wait to hear about what He is doing for you.
“Unless I see the nail marks in his hands and put my finger where the nails were, and put my hand into his side, I will not believe.” (John 20:25) I imagine Thomas said these words with tears in his eyes, arms crossed, and maybe with a foot stamp at the end just for emphasis….
Taking a deep breath. Special time with my Lord. Time with my family (we slept on air mattresses in the living room Friday night). Continuing my workout routine (if four days can be called a routine ;). What are your Saturdays for?
Ding-Dong! DIIINNNNGGGG-DOOONNNNGGGG! Rap-rap-rap-rap. Inwardly I sigh. My mind begins to roll. Didn’t I just send them outside to play? Isn’t their dad outside with them? I am just trying to get dinner started! UGH!!! I am being interrupted. Reluctantly I turn the water off and slowly with mind still churning and frustration mounting I plod…
Honor has become an important word in my house. In fact it is a word that has changed how I parent, how I think, and how I view my life before God. The idea started when I read a book, Say Goodbye to Whining, Complaining, and Bad Attitudes in You and Your Kids by Turansky…
Last week I got a call from my sister. She was preparing a devotional talk for the inmates at a woman’s prison. She and several other women go to the jail to play basketball with the inmates and share Christ with them. She had a great idea about what to share, but needed some direction….
Her eyes sparkle with awe, wonder, joy. Suddenly her eyes moisten slightly as sadness darkens her countenance. Her eyes betray her inner struggle, but only briefly. The joy returns as she bends to talk to my little man. I recognize the emotion in her eyes. I have seen it before – in the mirror. It…
Don’t ask me why, but I am still amazed at God. I guess that is good, but it seems I should expect Him to do something unexpected. Yet I am forever amazed. What has so amazed me this time? That He would use me. Don’t get me wrong. I think I am pretty smart, I…
Did you know that I am writing a book? I have a few friends reading over the manuscript currently. One of them e-mailed me and said that the difference between Christians and Non-Christians is their foundation. The wise builder and the foolish builder went through the same flood, but the one with the firm foundation…
Here is another vlog for your enjoyment. I only wish you all could comment back in video form to my blog. Wouldn’t that be cool? httpv://www.youtube.com/watch?v=6lscIULxI6k
“EWWWWWWWW…MOOOOOOMMMMMYYYYY, J pooped,” her voice shakes the paintings on the walls as she flees her brother’s presence. “J we don’t want to play with you when you stink,” his other sister chimes in with the painful truth. I wince to hear her shun her brother. Oh, but I understand why. In fact there is a…
I seriously have an issue with Valentine’s Day. As a kid my parents did give us candy and tell us they loved us. At school I got candy and those little cards that get thrown away almost as soon as you get home. I gave them too. As I got older, I secretly wished a…
The tears started to flow. I felt terrible. I had forgotten. The full parking lot told the story. TODAY WAS MOMS AND MUFFINS! The day when I am supposed to get up early and get the kids to school early so we can eat muffins or donuts and hang out together. I had completely forgotten….
Growth is my word for 2011. I felt God had stretched me in 2010 and now He needs to grow me into those stretched out places. Oh, but often growth is painful… I remember being in the fourth grade and hitting a growth spurt (if you could call it that). I am vertically challenged. In…
I would LOVE to know if any of my posts really touched you. I would like to know if you have a favorite. Any on post that you remember or that particularly touched you? Here are a few links to my favorites of 2010: Poop Cake God Cracked the Egg Got Floss? Mittens in Summer…
I love this time of year. Christmas, the time we celebrate the birth of our God-man, baby-king, Word-became flesh, God with us. Then the end of the year. The time to think back about the year we are leaving and look forward to the New Year. I have to admit I am a bit of…
I long for the day when grief no longer taints joy. Our most joyful days on earth are tainted. Pain, fear, grief mingle and mix with our joy. Day I accepted Jesus as my Savior…Joy of forgiveness of sins, pure love from heaven washed the fear of hell away. Yet knowing some would still choose…
We went to visit family last week. We loaded the van with bags, toys, DVDs (to keep the kids from rioting), and presents. We were nearly done with our trip. About two-thirds of the way to our destination and it happened. I threw-up…in an empty cup, but none-the-less I lost my cookies. The next two…
I love the apostle Paul and the words God gave Him to write. He doesn’t beat about the bush. He gets to the heart of the matter and tells you exactly what is going on. “Foolish Galatians…” he wrote in Galatians 3:1. That comment makes me sit up a listen. I love to hear others…
In part one of this series we discovered that God desires a quality faith. Quality faith says, “I know God is able, but He may not do what I desire Him to do. Regardless, I will not stop worshiping Him.” Part two of this series laid out how we develop a quality faith. Through seeing…
In part one of this series, we learned that God is not looking for quantity of faith from us, but that He is looking for quality faith. The type of faith that says God is able to give me a baby, but if He doesn’t give me a baby, I will still serve and honor…
I have felt the pressure from others that if only I had enough faith, then God would give me a child. I never should have used fertility treatments. So I have decided to do a series of posts on faith and infertility. Have you ever thought, if only I have enough faith, I can have…
Last Wednesday was the 20 year anniversary of See Ya At The Pole. Students in junior high and high schools across the globe gather at the flag pole to pray. I remember being at the flag pole in front of my school that first year, twenty years ago. My heart was skipping beats. I felt…
There it was on the counter, three containers of milk, a bottle of allergy medicine, and a stick of deodorant for my husband, a testimony to God’s faithfulness, His provision. Oh and conviction for sin in my life. Seriously? How could something so mundane as what was on my counter SCREAM God is faithful, He…
Oh to hold you in my arms, to watch you while you sleep; to wrap your tiny hand in mine, to kiss your soft pudgy cheek. Oh to know the sound of your cry, to see the sparkle in your eye, to know your gender, to say your name, all privileges never attained. My precious…
Infertility is the cause of many tears I have shed over the last five years. Sometimes I was so raw that I felt the tears would never stop. A flood from some deep dark place that would only ebb for a few hours and then break loose again. What is truly amazing to me is…
“The Lord’s lovingkindnesses indeed never cease, for His compassions never fail. They are new every morning; great is Your faithfulness.” Lamentations 3:22-23 (NASB) I like to think that I am faithful. I do not cheat, I do not steal, I mostly do what I say I will do. I am patient, at least most of…
Call me crazy, but I love food and I love to try different things. My kids have watched the movie Ratatouille more times than I can count and I decided I wanted to try to make it. Mind you, I didn’t want to make the difficult gourmet version as Remi did on the movie. No…
I am in a waiting period in my infertility journey, but many of you are in a season of going. Going involves a different kind of waiting. When we are going, we wait for doctors, test results, social workers, or parental rights to be revoked. This waiting is filled with hope, expectation, and possibility. During…
Isaiah 40:31 “but they who wait for the Lord shall renew their strength; they shall mount up with wings like eagles; they shall run and not be weary; they shall walk and not faint.” So we are waiting for God to perform a miracle. Right? A miracle in our bodies, so we can have a…
Have you ever tried to change a two-year old’s clothes while he or she is clinging to a “treasure.” It could be a book or a toy or a shoe for that matter, but he does not want to let it go. You pull the shirt over his head and his hand will not go…
I confess I am not always eloquent, nor do I much grace. I am a klutz who is too familiar with the taste of foot because I often find my foot in my mouth. When it comes to infertility it seems the world around us has foot-in-mouth disease. People say things that must seem funny…
Yesterday I made dinner and dessert for a friend going through a hard time. I was feeling pretty good about my endeavors as I loaded the food into my van. One of the latches of the cake saver failed. At least one-third of the cake was now in the back of my van. Literally, it…
I have been praying for a miracle. A miracle within my body so I can somehow conceive another child naturally; or a miracle that lands an orphan on my doorstep ready for adoption, no strings attached; or the biggest miracle of all, the one in my heart for contentment for my current situation. I am…
“I can do all things through Him [Christ] who strengthens me.” Phil 4:13 This verse has become cliché in Christian circles. We spout it when someone complains, “it is hard,” or “I can’t do it.” We glibly rattle it off to our friend who is struggling with pain and loss. We think it is GREAT…
I hate to admit it, but I am ungrateful. Often I do not appreciate how hard my husband works, nor do I thank my children when they are kind to each other or pick up after themselves. No, I expect those behaviors. I expect as part of our marriage contract that my husband works outside…
While trying to conceive, each month feels like a storm. The storm starts brewing as you plot and plan, watch and wait for the “perfect” time to baby dance. The clouds get darker and stormier as your hope increases because the timing was perfect. The winds start to howl as your hormones are whipped into…
Infertility isn’t fair. Especially since we want babies, we would be great moms, so why can’t we have children? That question has been bouncing around in my brain lately. Especially after news that a sweet friend has finished her journey of fertility treatments unsuccessfully and another sweet friend is feeling that baby hunger again years…
If I had a penny for the number of times I have said, “It isn’t fair,” I would be a rich woman. Then if I add in the times I have heard it from my kids, my friends, my family, even some of my patients (back in my nursing days) I would probably be richer…
Uncertainty and fear become constant companions when you desire to have children and cannot. You are constantly assessing your body either for ovulation signs in order to correctly time the deed, or for signs that you are indeed pregnant. I pinned my hope for joy and peace on being pregnant. If only that second line…
I have mentioned in the past that I have been writing things down for YEARS. In fact I have some thing I wrote in grade school squirreled away in a notebook. For grins I started reading some of the things I wrote back when. Unfortunately I rarely wrote a date on things. However the fact…
Infertility is full of so many uncertainties. We question everything. Why am I unable to conceive? Did I eat the wrong thing? Did I make poor choices in my past? Did I do something, anything that has caused this pain? Our hearts are condemning us. They are calling us guilty. Guilty of being unable to…
I have to admit that lately I have felt FRUSTRATED! I have made no less than nine calls to service departments for repairs around the house in the last month. Not to mention that my van’s paint job is peeling, the CD player broke, and the breaks are starting to squeal. Then there is the…
I am weird. No really I am. I like Star Trek, and Lord of the Rings. I enjoy basketball, football, and reading. I love Jane Austen books and have read some of them 3 times or more. I appreciate the movies based on the books. I am a kindred spirit of Anne of Green Gables,…
I have become a crier. I HATE it. I don’t like crying in front of people, or being vulnerable. My mascara runs even though I use the “waterproof” kind. Then I walk around half the day with dark smudges under my eyes and no-body tells me. Do not get me wrong, I have more days…
Infertility often brings out the worst in us. Hurting and sad, we lash out and turn inward. We covet what others have and we have a difficult time entering their joy. I remember vividly the day my older sister called me to tell me she was pregnant. Do not get me wrong. I felt excited for…
Psalm 40:1-3 “I waited patiently for the LORD; he turned to me and heard my cry. He lifted me out of the slimy pit, out of the mud and mire; he set my feet on a rock and gave me a firm place to stand. He put a new song in my mouth, a hymn of praise to our God. Many…
“I waited patiently for the LORD; He turned to me and heard my cry.” Psalm 40:1 My simple mind read that verse and thought I know what waiting patiently looks like. You are quiet and still and waiting. Right? That is what I teach my children. My two year-old whines, “Milk-y, milk-y, milk-y.” (I do…
When God is teaching me something, He often gives me opportunities at putting those new lessons in action. I had no idea that a lamp would provide such a lesson, but then again who knew a plunger could help either? I recently purchased a lamp for my second blessing, L. Her bare nightstand begged for…
Often on this infertility journey, we look around us and see what other people have. That sweet family of five, the teenage girl who is pregnant and unable or unwilling to take care of her baby, or even your best friend or sister is pregnant, why not me or you? Sisters that is a trap…
I left you hanging with my final three babies. As I mentioned earlier, I never planned on transferring more than two embryos for fear of high order multiple pregnancy. All of my embryos were “high quality.” ***Side note*** Yes, the embryologist actually grades your embryos. I have found it interesting that the quality doesn’t seem…
I rubbed a blister on my hand today. I rubbed the blister into the palm of my right hand with the handle of a plunger. Yes, a NASTY plunger. It wasn’t the first time this week I had to plunge out a certain someone’s toilet. In fact it was just yesterday that I found my sweet…
Artificial hormones are harder on my body than my regular ones. More nausea, more pregnancy-like symptoms do not necessarily mean you are pregnant. So I had to learn to hope in God not my body. “but those who hope in the LORD will renew their strength. They will soar on wings like eagles; they will…
Someone much smarter than me, but I can’t figure out who that someone is, said or wrote, “Steps of faith often begin with seeds of fear.” Fear and faith. Together. Fear. Fear of God, fear of failure, fear of appearing crazy, fear of being a hypocrite. God often calls me to do something that is…
Samuel at the end of his tenure as Israel’s High Priest and Judge, probably felt like an epic failure. His sons were not following in his faith. They behaved wickedly, took bribes, and did not obey God. (1 Samuel 8) Not only did his sons not follow God, but the whole nation was looking for an…
Have you ever looked back over a day or a month or a year and been in awe of God’s perfect timing? How He orchestrates our lives with such minute detail? Have you ever wondered what would have happened if – I was earlier, later, or went a different direction? Maybe things would be different,…
Acts 4:13 “When they saw the courage of Peter and John and realized that they were unschooled, ordinary men, they were astonished and they took note that these men had been with Jesus.” So Peter and John were ordinary. These are the men who have done miracles and seen miracles, but they are ordinary. These…
I will be honest, the idea of having ten children, remember I had one living child prior to IVF, was frightening to me. My first child was, well, strong-willed to put it bluntly. So the idea of having nine more children with similar dispositions scared the wits out of me. I wondered what God was…
I like to think I can pretty much do anything I try, by myself. I don’t need help to open jars or get on ladders. I can do it myself. I like to think that I am helpful to others, but that I don’t need help. I like to think I have it all together….
So my husband and I felt led or compelled to choose IVF. That was an easier choice to make than I thought. The journey was much more difficult than I thought. 1. We knew we would give any embryo created a chance at life outside the petri dish. That meant NO CONTROL, over how many…
Since I lost the ability to conceive naturally, my logical conclusion was that God wanted my husband and I to adopt. I had often thought of adopting. I had some adopted friends. I thought that was the answer. We, my husband and I were going to adopt. I just never really thought to talk to…
The journey of infertility is filled with pain, grief, and isolation. However there is a God of the journey, orchestrating each step for His perfect purpose. I found comfort in knowing that when I was in the midst of the darkest parts of my personal journey. Although, my husband and I already had one child,…
Are you having difficulty conceiving a child? Are you struggling with grief, isolation, and pain? Is your faith being shaken? Well sister, here is a place for you to come. I am writing this blog in the middle of my journey. I call it the middle because I although God has blessed my husband and…
Confession time again. Dental health workers please do not hold this against me. I am not an example for dental health practices. Do not try this at home. I do not floss. I hate to floss. I promise I have tried. I find it time-consuming and uncomfortable. Instead of flossing, I have found that mouth…
Since my post on confidence was so memorable for some, and well liked by others, I decided to share the prayer I mentioned in the Confidence post. My prayers don’t come out in correct grammar or with proper punctuation. So please forgive me line editors. Just know this came from the heart. I tried to…
Envision a bright, sunny, winter day. Snow is on the ground, and the sun creates a magnificently brilliant, and blinding glare. That is the day this idea came to me. I was walking between classes at college, without my sunglasses on, and God seemed to tell me. “The reason you can’t look at My holiness,…
I am treading uncharted waters. I have felt God’s call on my life for years, but have not known which direction this call would lead. In the past I have thought it would lead me down certain paths, only to discover I was WRONG! I have waited and prayed for God’s direction. Now I know…
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