Saturdays are for…

Walking down memory lane… Yesterday L wanted to bring something that wasn’t hers to show-and-tell. Her sister E would NOT let her take the toy she wanted to take. So I let L take somethings from our (her daddy and my) wedding. A few pictures, two silk “flowers” that once held bird seed (that stuck…

Three Empty Chairs

My blessings have been prodding and poking the painful places in my soul lately. As God is apt to do He uses their naivety to shed light on things I would prefer to leave in the dark. He shakes me awake through them as they open their hearts to me… “Mommy, I want another baby…

Saturdays are for…

Sleeping in (sort of) at least until 7:00 AM if that counts… Ibuprofen for the head injury I received when a certain 4-year-old kicked me in the head while she was sleeping. Playing outside in the unseasonably warm weather… Talking through sibling relationship issues with a 7-year-old. Sipping some coffee (from a cup my friend…

A Little Reality

In case you have a picture of me…Dressed perfectly…Perfect kids…Neat and tidy house…. Let me tell you the reality of me… 1. I LOVE to wear “work-out clothes.” Always. An elastic waistband and a cotton t-shirt make me smile. I feel home. Don’t get me wrong dressing up is ok, but I prefer active wear….

Grace…

So God has been working on me about grace. I am slow to learn, but yesterday something came to me… When I remember that I am in desperate need of grace, I am free to extravagantly extend grace to others. It frees me up to love God for He is the giver of all grace…

1,000 Gifts Continued

Have you ever noticed that enemy tries to attack us and drag us down when we are stepping out in faith? So we have these warring factions in our hearts…One encouraging me because I am doing God’s will and it brings the peace and joy that comes from honoring and glorifying our Lord and Savior….

Spiritual Gifts

I feel blessed to help lead my church’s Wednesday night ministry to fifth and sixth graders. They challenge me, they ask me hard questions, they drive me to my knees often (either that they know Him better or that they sit quietly for two seconds in a row so they can learn). Anyway, last night…

Why the Little Things?

Longing…Oh the stretching, longing, burning… The dream of what could be, where to go, but how to get there hangs in the air… We can’t see it. The journey from here to there, but the hope of there is planted firmly in our hearts. The here seems insignificant, unimportant, little. Oh but what we do…

Gray Day

Dr. Seuss wrote a book before he died titled My Many Colored Days. He describes how on different days he feels different. Well, today is a gray day. “Gray day…Everything is gray. I watch, but nothing moves today.” It is cool overcast winter day. The kind of day that the clouds look more like they…

Eyeballs

Today was one of those brilliantly sunny winter days. The kind where the snow has mostly melted, but it still reflected the sun and made it seem ten times brighter than it does in the summer. This sun was particularly bright when my sweet two-year-old and I made our way to the post office. “I…

Rethinking Hardships

Difficult times come into everyone’s lives. Incomes drop, jobs are lost, loved ones die too young, health issues, relationship struggles. We all face some difficult situation that drives us to our knees. Some of us are blessed with hardships. It seems like we are similar to Job. One difficulty or trial comes after another, like…

May I Recommend…

Nearly three years my quiet time was revolutionized when I was introduced to the Chronological Bible at a ladies retreat. It is a Bible that puts the Biblical account into chronological order and then into daily readings for each day of the year. For example January 1 the reading is Genesis 1:1-3:24. Since the Biblical…

The Best of 2010

I would LOVE to know if any of my posts really touched you. I would like to know if you have a favorite. Any on post that you remember or that particularly touched you? Here are a few links to my favorites of 2010: Poop Cake God Cracked the Egg Got Floss? Mittens in Summer…

My New Year Word

I love this time of year. Christmas, the time we celebrate the birth of our God-man, baby-king, Word-became flesh, God with us. Then the end of the year. The time to think back about the year we are leaving and look forward to the New Year. I have to admit I am a bit of…

The Trip…

We went to visit family last week. We loaded the van with bags, toys, DVDs (to keep the kids from rioting), and presents. We were nearly done with our trip. About two-thirds of the way to our destination and it happened. I threw-up…in an empty cup, but none-the-less I lost my cookies. The next two…

He Came

Christmas is the time we celebrate His coming. The time God came in human form and the world has never been the same. We imagine what it must have been like for God – all-powerful, all-knowing – to limit Himself to human form, a helpless baby. Oh, but I believe we miss something. Jesus, in…

Beyond Me…

The words hung in the air and flew like a dagger into my heart. “I hate you mommy.” I knew this phrase would come. I had prepared myself. However I expected it closer to puberty, not before my children were even in the double digits. Anger rises like a red flag waves in front of…

Infertility Girl…

Some of you may know that I was attempting to keep up two different blogs. Yes. At one time I was writing about six posts a week. Just saying that makes me tired. So after much prayer and consideration, I decided to combine my two blogs. I will have a recurring “Infertility Girl” post about…

God Cracked the Egg

Sometimes simple things point to profound spiritual truths. The egg. Three parts – the shell, the white, the yoke – yet one egg. God. Three persons – the Father, the Son, the Holy Spirit – yet one God. So what happened over 2,000 years ago when Jesus came to Earth? God cracked His egg. He…

Confessions…

I haven’t posted in a really long time. That isn’t really a confession since I am sure you have noticed. However, the reason behind this lack of posting is truly interesting. I have been feeling dry and raw. I think we all periodically feel distant or prickly or like our hearts are on the wrong…

So Sorry…

Well, I have been neglecting my blog for the past week. It all started with an ear infection a week ago. Since then I have been battling some abdominal pain. We do not know why I have this pain, but we do know I don’t have an ovarian cyst or mass or anything like that….

Chilean Mine Rescue

I am enthralled with the Chilean mine rescue that is continuing as I type these words. I am amazed at God’s perfect provision for these men. I am awed at the faith, courage, and perseverance these men have displayed. The idea of being trapped underground for one hour freaks me out. The fact that these…

Love You

Love you. The words tear at my heart. Insatiable longing for who is not, at least not yet. Love you. Echos again in my mind. Ripping my heart open for what is not mine at least not yet. Love you. Whispered this time, as through time and space from some unearthly place. As if to…

Clear Minded…

You know how God has a way of using your words against you? My last post was on being clear minded…Well, I have been anything BUT clear minded lately. Let me give you an example… Fall is the time I LOVE to burn candles. I don’t know why, but I do. So I lit several…

Do You Trust Me?

I have had this subtle, but real discussion with God lately. He is asking, “Do you trust Me?” My knee jerk response is much like Peter’s response to Jesus after Jesus rose from the dead. He asks Peter, “Do you love Me?” Peter says, “yes.” Jesus asks him three times. Peter responds three times. By…

Noah

Call me crazy. You may already think that I am.  A few weeks ago God laid something on my heart. Pray for Noah. I know several Noah’s. I have a nephew Noah, a friend’s child is Noah, there is a baby named Noah at church. I can’t tell you why I am praying for Noah,…

Finding Joy…

Dreams deferred often equates to joy deferred. During this IF journey, I have often struggled with finding joy in today. I am fixed on joy when I finally get a baby, instead of joy today. So in the process of finding joy today, I want us all to think of things we are grateful for…

1,000 Gifts…

I am going to join the Gratitude Community and start listing things for which I am thankful for…I hope you enjoy this list. It will become a regular part of my blog and I hope that it blesses you. 1. For God, that He created the Earth knowing He would have to send His Son…

Pole Prayer

Last Wednesday was the 20 year anniversary of See Ya At The Pole. Students in junior high and high schools across the globe gather at the flag pole to pray. I remember being at the flag pole in front of my school that first year, twenty years ago. My heart was skipping beats. I felt…

Precision Living

There it was on the counter, three containers of milk, a bottle of allergy medicine, and a stick of deodorant for my husband, a testimony to God’s faithfulness, His provision. Oh and conviction for sin in my life. Seriously? How could something so mundane as what was on my counter SCREAM God is faithful, He…

Eye Twitching

Lately my left eye has been twitching. I trace the twitching back to the inordinate amount of screaming that has been occurring around my house lately. I am not sure why the trend has swung in this direction, but it is true. I have heard just general weeping and gnashing of teeth, to the more…

My Dear Ones

Oh to hold you in my arms, to watch you while you sleep; to wrap your tiny hand in mine, to kiss your soft pudgy cheek. Oh to know the sound of your cry, to see the sparkle in your eye, to know your gender, to say your name, all privileges never attained. My precious…

The Big Picture

I love to know and understand the big picture. Even my kids crave to know, “why do we have to pick up our toys?!” I try to paint the rosy picture of a house tidy and organized, so when you wanted your teeny-tiny Strawberry Shortcake and her itty-bitty less than a centimeter across plate of…

Faithfulness

“The Lord’s lovingkindnesses indeed never cease, for His compassions never fail. They are new every morning; great is Your faithfulness.” Lamentations 3:22-23 (NASB) I like to think that I am faithful. I do not cheat, I do not steal, I mostly do what I say I will do. I am patient, at least most of…

Rotting on Milk

I picked up a couple of stones, hoping they were the right size and shape. Perfect to put at the bottom of the pot over the hole. I was told the rock allowed the water to drain slowly so the roots had enough water, but the soil didn’t dry too quickly. As I had my…

The High Calling

Just a quick tidbit. I have joined The High Calling Blog network. Why? It is a network that encourages Christ followers to live out their Christian faith in all aspects of life. It is a network of bloggers, readers, leaders, etc who are out to encourage others to be transformed to become more like Christ…

Figuring it All Out

I have been spending too much time figuring out how to make my blog prettier. Seriously. So I don’t have the greatest post planned. However I have been memorizing with my oldest child a great verse I wanted to share. Deuteronomy 31:8 “The LORD Himself goes before you and will be with you; He will…

Ratatouille

Call me crazy, but I love food and I love to try different things. My kids have watched the movie Ratatouille more times than I can count and I decided I wanted to try to make it. Mind you, I didn’t want to make the difficult gourmet version as Remi did on the movie. No…

Time to Go

I am in a waiting period in my infertility journey, but many of you are in a season of going. Going involves a different kind of waiting. When we are going, we wait for doctors, test results, social workers, or parental rights to be revoked. This waiting is filled with hope, expectation, and possibility. During…

Strength in Waiting

Isaiah 40:31 “but they who wait for the Lord shall renew their strength; they shall mount up with wings like eagles; they shall run and not be weary; they shall walk and not faint.” So we are waiting for God to perform a miracle. Right? A miracle in our bodies, so we can have a…

Dodging Arrows

I confess I am not always eloquent, nor do I much grace. I am a klutz who is too familiar with the taste of foot because I often find my foot in my mouth. When it comes to infertility it seems the world around us has foot-in-mouth disease. People say things that must seem funny…

Contentment and Power

I have been praying for a miracle. A miracle within my body so I can somehow conceive another child naturally; or a miracle that lands an orphan on my doorstep ready for adoption, no strings attached; or the biggest miracle of all, the one in my heart for contentment for my current situation. I am…

Christ’s Strength

“I can do all things through Him [Christ] who strengthens me.” Phil 4:13 This verse has become cliché in Christian circles. We spout it when someone complains, “it is hard,” or “I can’t do it.” We glibly rattle it off to our friend who is struggling with pain and loss. We think it is GREAT…

Ungrateful

I hate to admit it, but I am ungrateful. Often I do not appreciate how hard my husband works, nor do I thank my children when they are kind to each other or pick up after themselves. No, I expect those behaviors. I expect as part of our marriage contract that my husband works outside…

Anchor in the Storm

While trying to conceive, each month feels like a storm. The storm starts brewing as you plot and plan, watch and wait for the “perfect” time to baby dance. The clouds get darker and stormier as your hope increases because the timing was perfect. The winds start to howl as your hormones are whipped into…

Infertility Isn’t Fair

Infertility isn’t fair. Especially since we want babies, we would be great moms, so why can’t we have children? That question has been bouncing around in my brain lately. Especially after news that a sweet friend has finished her journey of fertility treatments unsuccessfully and another sweet friend is feeling that baby hunger again years…

Hoping in…WHAT?

Uncertainty and fear become constant companions when you desire to have children and cannot. You are constantly assessing your body either for ovulation signs in order to correctly time the deed, or for signs that you are indeed pregnant. I pinned my hope for joy and peace on being pregnant. If only that second line…

Healthy Fear…

I have mentioned in the past that I have been writing things down for YEARS. In fact I have some thing I wrote in grade school squirreled away in a notebook. For grins I started reading some of the things I wrote back when. Unfortunately I rarely wrote a date on things. However the fact…

No Condemnation

Infertility is full of so many uncertainties. We question everything. Why am I unable to conceive? Did I eat the wrong thing? Did I make poor choices in my past? Did I do something, anything that has caused this pain? Our hearts are condemning us. They are calling us guilty. Guilty of being unable to…

Blessedly Frustrated

I have to admit that lately I have felt FRUSTRATED! I have made no less than nine calls to service departments for repairs around the house in the last month. Not to mention that my van’s paint job is peeling, the CD player broke, and the breaks are starting to squeal. Then there is the…

A Song of Praise

Psalm 40:1-3 “I waited patiently for the LORD; he turned to me and heard my cry. He lifted me out of the slimy pit, out of the mud and mire; he set my feet on a rock and gave me a firm place to stand. He put a new song in my mouth, a hymn of praise to our God. Many…

Active Patience

“I waited patiently for the LORD; He turned to me and heard my cry.” Psalm 40:1 My simple mind read that verse and thought I know what waiting patiently looks like. You are quiet and still and waiting. Right? That is what I teach my children. My two year-old whines, “Milk-y, milk-y, milk-y.” (I do…

The Lamp Lesson

When God is teaching me something, He often gives me opportunities at putting those new lessons in action. I had no idea that a lamp would provide such a lesson, but then again who knew a plunger could help either? I recently purchased a lamp for my second blessing, L. Her bare nightstand begged for…

The Final Three

I left you hanging with my final three babies. As I mentioned earlier, I never planned on transferring more than two embryos for fear of high order multiple pregnancy. All of my embryos were “high quality.” ***Side note*** Yes, the embryologist actually grades your embryos. I have found it interesting that the quality doesn’t seem…

Faith and Fear

Someone much smarter than me, but I can’t figure out who that someone is, said or wrote, “Steps of faith often begin with seeds of fear.” Fear and faith. Together. Fear. Fear of God, fear of failure, fear of appearing crazy, fear of being a hypocrite. God often calls me to do something that is…

Epic Failure…

Samuel at the end of his tenure as Israel’s High Priest and Judge, probably felt like an epic failure. His sons were not following in his faith. They behaved wickedly, took bribes, and did not obey God. (1 Samuel 8) Not only did his sons not follow God, but the whole nation was looking for an…

Timing is Everything

Have you ever looked back over a day or a month or a year and been in awe of God’s perfect timing? How He orchestrates our lives with such minute detail? Have you ever wondered what would have happened if – I was earlier, later, or went a different direction? Maybe things would be different,…

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