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I did it. I clicked the button labeled “submit.” It was done. Three and a half years of work and my Masters Degree was complete. I imagined this moment for three and half years. I couldn’t wait for it to happen. I just knew I would be elated. But I wasn’t. I was dry and really tired…
Piles of dirty dishes surround the kitchen sink and the clutter the counter and litter the island in my kitchen. My dishwasher broke last week and for about three days I did a great job of keeping up with the dishes. Then stuff happened. I got busy and lazy and I injured my foot and…
Hello. Happy New Year. I have remained quiet on my little part of the internet for nearly a year now… I remained super busy this past year… I was homeschooling, finishing seminary, teaching martial arts, teaching Sunday School, etc… And I was quiet because a part of me doubted I had anything to say… Sometimes I…
Today my friend Lori Wildenberg is sharing how she has been rethinking 1 Corinthians 13 and she has a great giveaway going on… Love is patient. Love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. It is not rude, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it…
Beep, beep, beep. I fumble for my phone to turn off the alarm and it begins – a battle for my mind, my heart, my actions. I sigh as I look at piles of books on the floor near my bedside table, random blankets scattered across the floor, and a huge pile of clothes that…
Some questions linger unanswered – questions that weigh heavy on your heart, mind, soul, and strength. They threaten to suffocate the joy out of life and life can feel barren, hopeless, endless. Everyone else seems to have all the answers or they never had any questions. Their lives seem purposeful, full of meaning, with no…
You have a calling. Yes, you momma with the unwashed hair and spit-up stained shirt, you have a calling. Yes you who have made a mess of things again and you wonder if God could really use you. All of us, we have a calling and God tells us to live worthy of it… And…
Every ministry I touch turns to ash, my perfectionist self handed down the verdict as I wandered memory lane. My heart squeezed tight as I felt the truth of it. God can’t use me because I just mess things up. The lie felt like a heavy weight around my shoulders and though I knew it was a lie…
“Lord, who may dwell in your sacred tent? Who may live on your holy mountain?” Psalm 15:1 My heart echoes the cry of the psalmist. How do I get close to God? How do I develop a deep and abiding relationship? Can I move-in with God? What must I do so I can dwell with…
Discipline. It is the word God gave me for 2014. I have struggled with that word all year long. And at the end of 2014 I am still only scratching the surface of what that word really means. 1. I learned that I am a fallen broken woman who cannot stay disciplined on her own…
Therefore, since we have so great a cloud of witnesses surrounding us, let us also lay aside every encumbrance and the sin which so easily entangles us, and let us run with endurance the race that is set before us, fixing our eyes on Jesus, the author and perfecter of faith, who for the joy set before Him endured the cross, despising…
The word God gave me this year is discipline… I am flat out bad at it. I feel constrained by schedules and when I don't accomplish tasks on the days I plan I chastise myself. But then I don't plan my time and so I have a stack of things that need mended or a…
As a foreword…today I will be a guest on My Journey of Faith blogtalk radio show. It begins at 1:30 PM Central. I would love to have you join me. Sometimes unthinkable things happen all around and there is nothing you can do to stop it. A tornado hits, a hurricane blows, or a flood…
In case you didn't know, last week I spoke at The M.O.M. Initiative's Better Together Conference. Here are some pictures of the conference. I flew on a plane to Jacksonville, Florida and met with 22 authors and speakers who shared break-out sessions and keynotes to several hundred women. It was a sweet time of…
There are two statements I heard from godly people when I struggled with infertility. “Fertility treatments are wrong…” said by someone who did not research these treatments. Or…”I look at fertility treatments like I do blood pressure medicine. If you need it take it…” Neither answer understands the procedures nor the moral and ethical considerations of…
“Come to me, all who labor and are heavy laden, and I will give you rest. Take my yoke upon you, and learn from me, for I am gentle and lowly in heart, and you will find rest for your souls. For my yoke is easy, and my burden is light.” Matthew 11:28 Tension wrapped its fingers around my shoulders and heart. Messed…
“…people who are too spiritual for the church are also too spiritual for the triune God who promises to be present and at work in this all-too-questionable Christian community” – Shirley Gutherie, Always Being Reformed I’ll be honest I often look at churches or think about “the church” in general and agree it is all-too-questionable. Folks…
I am so excited about this new book coming out later this month…I think next week! So I wanted to share it with you…Readers even if you do not have children of your own, this book will help you nurture the children you have influence over. Have you ever felt like you wore so many…
I had twelve extra people (all family) stay at my house over the holiday weekend. That brought the total in my house up to 17 people – 9 kids, 8 adults – one dog, and one three-month-old puppy. There was lots of food, fun, swimming, and even a triathlon for the kids. They all packed…
Whoever loves discipline loves knowledge, but he who hates reproof is stupid. Proverbs 12:1 Yes the Bible uses the “s” word as my kids say. (And I’m happy that is what they think the “s” word is for now.) Hates reproof…That bowing up I get when someone tells me I mis-spelled a word on my blog or that…
About twenty years ago the sun beat down from the late May sky as a stiff Kansas wind blew hard. I held my purple cap in place as I heard my name and walked across that stage. Graduation day – a day of joy, excitement, the world opening up to me. But also a day…
A salesperson bounced toward me as I lifted my two-year-old into a navy-blue shopping cart. “She is so cute. Can I have her?” she teased as the blood drained from my face. I turned toward my precious girl, throat tightening, “No.” I shook my head. “Why not? You can just have more,” her words pierced…
“For it is by grace you have been saved, through faith—and this is not from yourselves, it is the gift of God—not by works, so that no one can boast.” Ephesians 2:8-9 “It is for freedom that Christ has set us free. Stand firm, then, and do not let yourselves be burdened again by a yoke of slavery.” Galatians 5:1…
There is something that happens in the quiet. When I am alone and no one can see me or hear me. I often sing…I may even dance…And I don’t have to worry about what other think. But I can fool myself in those times of quiet. I can pretend there really are no rules for…
I walked bare foot through the wet grass to the pots that contained my herbs. My oldest, she held an umbrella as the morning sky lightly sprinkled and followed me with her shoes on. As I snipped the basil she breathed in the earthy aroma and smiled. We walked a few steps to the cilantro…
“Come, let us return to the Lord. He has torn us to pieces but he will heal us; he has injured us but he will bind up our wounds. After two days he will revive us; on the third day he will restore us, that we may live in his presence. Let us acknowledge the…
Words issue from my mouth and sometimes they are gifts and bring life. Other times they fly forth as weapons taking deadly aim. They tear down those around me and myself. And sometimes when someone asks, “What are you having for breakfast?” the question gets lost in translation. I hear, “I want to be in your…
Often the cure to what ails us is not easy. Losing weight takes self-control and lots of sweat. Wounds must be cleansed to heal properly. Sometimes surgeries are required. And often there is pain that comes with the cure. No wonder Jesus asked the man who had been lame for a long time, “Do you…
“Alright Ms Angela,” my instructor encouraged as he held out a red paddle shaped target. Last one is my best one, my mind whirled as I put my right foot forward prepared to kick. I twisted my torso and legs to my left, then lifted my left leg up to kick the target. The next thing I knew sharp pain…
There are times when I just stop. Times when life’s circumstances cloud my mind and my heart and I just can’t see beyond the tip of my nose. And instead of staying disciplined to cling to God, stay in His Word, and be obedient to His call…I just stop. There are times when we must…
“When? When will I stop having to fight this battle? I thought I already won,” her words dripped frustration, fatigue, maybe shame. We all have battles in different forms, but they wage war against our hearts and souls. I used to think that battles were either won or lost – a monument to success or…
“What do you think? A man had two sons. And he went to the first and said, ‘Son, go and work in the vineyard today.’ And he answered, ‘I will not,’ but afterward he changed his mind and went. And he went to the other son and said the same. And he answered, ‘I go, sir,’ but…
“No, sir! If you want to be cured of your sin, do not back away from God but run to him with more confidence than ever, entreating him as if you had suddenly been struck with a physical malady.” – Martin Luther Lent is a time to find joy in the midst of dark desert…
Yesterday was the first day of the Lenten season. I did not grow up observing Lent, but as I began to read about this season the more I felt drawn to it. 46 days including Sundays and Maudy Thursday, Good Friday, and the day before Easter. Yes 46 days to focus on Christ…to begin in…
“I haven’t been writing,” I confessed to my friend who asked about it. “And honestly it is sin…” Sitting in an auditorium with about 800 other women it hit me. All those days I hit snooze for one excuse after another and didn’t “have time to write” I was walking in sin. I convinced myself…
For my current seminary course I had to write a short-ish post about courage and how it relates to the theological virtues of faith, hope, and love…I thought you all might find it interesting… According to Merriam-Webster.com courage is the “mental or moral strength to venture, persevere, and withstand danger, fear, or difficulty.” And courage…
If you haven’t heard me say it before or read it on this blog let me be clear…. I am a stumbling child of God…I walk through this life making choices and praying for wisdom and still I struggle. My husband pulled me kicking and screaming (almost) into teaching fifth and sixth grade Sunday School…
Dear friends, I want to clear up some misconceptions and to encourage Christians to be prepared to answer the question, “what is sinful.” Below are my prayerfully thought out conclusions. Sin is any action, attitude, thought, or words (whether spoken or written) that misses the perfect holy mark set by God. Sin then is defined…
Nehemiah 8:10 says, “…Do not grieve for the joy of the Lord is your strength.” And grief it is natural to this sinful world. It oozes into the beautiful moments of life… When someone near us should be there, but isn't. When what is reminds us of a should have been. And the ache threatens…
Happy New Year friends! In 2013 God gave me the word “wait.” And He taught me a lot about waiting and what it means and what it doesn’t mean. I learned a lot…. I learned to wait on dreams and wait for God’s timing and to trust His way… Now 2014 God has given…
I am a Kansas girl living in the south. The south where 60 degrees is “cold” and a flake of snow send everyone running for milk and bread. So when the weather forecast called for ice and snow I did not pay much attention. There are always “snow storms on the way” that rarely make…
“I suck.” The words slipped out and I hate those words…Great now I’m using words I told my kids never to use…I cannot get today right. As stepped on my lawn and instantly felt the dampness from the grass. And who wears flip-flops in fifty degree weather? my mind chastised. I made it to my dark…
Based on Luke 8:43-48 The crowd pressed in around her as the smell of humanity stung her nostrils. Closer, she thought, I have to reach Him. She hugged her rough shawl around her head and face. They can't recognize me. They know I'm not supposed to be here. I defile everything I touch, but I…
The dog barely limped down the stairs outside and I knew. I had to take her to the vet. She isn’t even two yet and she was clearly in pain. “Don’t forget to call the AC repair guys,” my husband reminded me as he left for work. My shoulders tensed and my heart clenched tight….
The cool night air enveloped me as I stood barefoot in the grass. The inky black night increased my anxiety as my beagle pup barked at the small black thing. I called to my pup, she refused to come. Instead she continued her barking and periodic lunging at the black thing. It doesn’t look like…
Happy Monday! I have missed writing over the last few weeks. I miss hearing from you all. But I have something fun and exciting to share with you. The M.O.M. Initiative is offering a conference for moms, moms who mentor, and ministry leaders. It is called Better Together. This conference is for moms of any…
Last week felt like darkness… A sick child, battles over school work, a co-op class to teach, my seminary class work to do, and life… It felt heavy and dark and never-ending… I’m never going to catch-up. I’m a terrible parent. And I want more?!? I can’t even keep afloat with the children I have…I’m crazy…
She fell and something snapped. He came running wild-eyed into the kitchen. “She hurt her arms. She’s screaming…L,” his eyes round as saucers as he pointed out back. Her daddy ran and something in my heart snapped too…I waited, I walked, and met them bare footed in the damp grass. Mud covered one arm of…
My eyes glazed over a bit. The incessant noise sent tension through my shoulders and into my neck and brain. Could my brain short-circuit with this much information flowing to it so incessantly? Their smiling faces and high-pitched laughter strummed my raw nerves. I took a deep breath attempting to slow the electricity flowing through…
Tears pricked my eyes. I smiled, but it didn’t make it to my eyes. I was too tired to try. My heart squeezed tight and the world seemed to spiral down… And there really wasn’t a reason why…No diagnosis for myself or my family…No financial issues…Just the stress of life and change…the painful kind. The…
There once was a white foam cup filled with dirt that bright-eyed girl brought home from school. “They’re tomatoes,” she declared and my heart clenched tight. I kill everything they bring home in little white cups. My thoughts swirled. “We have to plant them mommy,” her emphatic declaration only drove the doubt deeper. How do I…
I never imagined being here — in seminary, homeschooling, blogging, choir, and maybe more. I didn't really ask for this life…I just followed the path God laid before me and here I am… It doesn't make sense. I never would have started seminary if I knew I'd be homeschooling… Blogging and writing and speaking and…
Sometimes I just can’t find the beat in life. I wake up morning after morning and the rhythm of life does not match the rhythm of my heart. And I know I am the one who is off-beat – not the good kind of off-beat. The kind when I am left looking around trying desperately…
I saw it in her hand as she waited for her teacher to open the van door. My heart fluttered nervously. It can’t be, my mind raced. Sure enough as soon as she stepped into the van her smile shone bright and she held out the small white styrofoam cup. “Look mom, tomato plants,” she slightly…
“…a stiff-necked people.” Over and over again as God deals with His chosen people – the Israelites – that is what He calls them. And as God chastises the Israelites those words echo in my heart and mind. I.AM.STIFF-NECKED. I am stubborn, rebellious, and just plain ignorant. Still God calls me His precious child, righteous,…
I am not a morning person, but there is something I have learned. When I wake up early life goes better. I have time to spend with God before the pressures of the day squeeze me. I actually get to exercise and physically feel good. I even get time to write before I get pulled…
“It’s God’s kindness that leads us to repentance. So why do I think harshness will lead my kids/husband/friend/co-worker to repentance? My tone either can hinder or encourage repentance. Which tone will I choose?” Those words flitted across my heart and I knew. . . I was guilty. . . Guilty of tonal offense. Tonal offense…
It has been too long since I sat down and wrote here. I’ve been somewhere on the crazy spectrum of busy since the end of May and things have slipped. Lots of things…especially the blog God called me to write. I could certainly blame the oversight on the crazy things going on around me. But…
You grow weary by the greatness of your way, but you did not say, ‘Despairing!’ You found the renewal of your strength, therefore you do not grow weak. Isaiah 57:10 The greatness of my way…The enormity of not only raising three kids, but teaching them…Hoping to instill a love for God and family and learning. While I stumble over…
It happened to Moses, his face went from radiant directly after meeting with God and slowly the light darkened. I knew it happened as I came home from camp. It was easy to feel close to God when you are away from electronics and surrounded by folks who honored God. My sweet 10-year-old even noticed…
I turned over and hit snooze on my alarm. I couldn’t keep my eyes open and nine minutes later the alarm woke me up again. So tired. And it rolls like ocean waves under the surface. I ride the waves in my dreams. I hold tight to God as I wake and I am tired….
Today I have the privilege to speak the good news to about 100 kids… Vacation Bible School begins… And this year I get to be on stage and encourage kids and I am super excited, but also super aware of the heaviness. This is important stuff and there is a battle raging for me to…
Some of my dearest friends struggle with anxiety. I can’t understand it, but I know it is real. It can paralyze them, suffocate the life out of them, and bring them down a spiraling dark hole – a hole they cannot climb out of, not without help. I can pray for them. I can help…
In case you missed it my word for 2013 – the one I know God gave me – is wait. And I laugh because I do not wait well and God is clearly growing me as I wait. The more I wait the more things change around me and the more I change. Exodus 14:14…
Today we are to remember. Remember the price of freedom and those who died so we could be free. Today we remember freedom isn't free. It is hard fought. We think of the hundreds of thousands of souls who stood and died to protect our nation. Those who fought so we could be independent. Those…
They said it as they stood near a furnace hot enough to kill men who came near. Shadrach, Meshach, and Abednego told king Nebuchadnezzar, “. . .our God, whom we serve, is able to rescue us from the furnace of blazing fire. And from your hand, O king, let him rescue us. And if not,…
It’s been a crazy week. A trip to Memphis last weekend. Mother’s Day. A new seminary class started this week. Dance recital rehearsals, lots of them. An appointment with home repair folks. AWANA awards picnic. Planing a baby shower. Field day at school. Then another recital rehearsal, decorating for a baby shower, the actual recital,…
I stand and wonder. I strain my eyes to see the days, weeks, years that could be down that road. Murky images of maybes and what-ifs dance around the curve. I turn to look down the other path and hope to see something else. Something more substantial. Is this the road? Each path holds promise…
My scars and old wounds, I revealed them this weekend. Tore the bandage off the hidden ugliness behind the pain and wounds. In front of women I never met, but I knew a part of their struggle. I stood in a room full of women dealing with infertility or pregnancy loss and I spoke…
My fingers are not the most nimble and at times texting can be dangerous. The dreaded auto-correct makes an innocent text sound like a proposition. And when I meant to text my husband “Love U 2,” my finger slid or something it I sent “Love U 3.” I smiled and quickly sent another text “2….
Rain. It fell sporadically throughout the morning. The clouds hid the rising sun and it fit. This morning wasn't going to bring the hope of a new day. It was the day my fears would be confirmed. The day my doctor drew blood. The test would say what the home test told me…
His birthday party was scheduled for May 4th. And I prayed for good weather because I wasn’t sure I wanted ten five and six-year-old boys in my house for an hour and a half. As May 4th approached the weather forecast kept getting worse. At one point there was talk of snow early in the…
So I told you all last week that things were changing around here… I just didn’t know exactly how. SO here is the new plan… I will post Monday, Wednesday, and Fridays… Monday will continue to have a reminder of the Scripture we are memorizing and something God is teaching me. Wednesday will once a…
Today I woke up feeling like all my nerves were raw. Every little thing that didn’t go right stretched and irritated. I spoke with an edge. I asked for forgiveness from. . . the whole family. . . more than once. SIGH! And it hurts because I don’t want to be cranky and mean. I…
Her eyes glistened slightly as her shoulders tightened. She sighed and blurted out, “Mom, I left my water bottle in my backpack and now there is a big mess.” My heart sank. I envisioned a huge puddle of water in the closet ruining the dark maple stained hardwood floor. “What do you mean big?” I…
This year God told me to wait. Wait for Him to move. Wait for Him to fight. Wait for Him to make things happen. And He has moved, fought, and made things happen. And still He tells me to wait. Wait so I can see Him move in amazing ways. Wait so He can heal…
Hello friends… On Wednesdays I typically write about how God really got me during the week. I share something He is teaching me and I offer a chance for other bloggers to link-up a post and share what God is teaching them. And now it is time for a change. I am not sure what…
Mondays can be difficult – especially Spring Mondays with pollen and allergies and children who cannot quite overcome the fatigue of the weekend. Words fly hard and fast. Words that sting, words that anger, words that wound. Why do they wound so deeply? And I am the wounded leader. Praying God gives me self-control so…
Monday bombs exploded, lives changed, three died. And we didn’t know who it was. . . Thousands of miles away shocked I cried and prayed. I couldn’t imagine what those in Boston were experiencing. By Friday night we had two suspects – one was dead and the other in custody. Still we wonder. Who were…
Words are only words and actions…They are actions… But words they create things. Our words set the tone for our day. They mark our attitude towards circumstances. Words mean something. “It is what it is.” or “This is tough, but I know God has a plan.” “I’m never going to ____________.” or “With God’s help…
My twin sister didn’t like dresses. At. All. We were probably five and she fought my mother as Sunday after Sunday we wore dresses, slips, tights, and fake patent leather shoes. I loved to wear dresses, but most days I played in the dirt and watched ants work. So for a few hours on Sunday…
I didn’t grow up singing hymns. My small church didn’t even own a piano – we had an acoustic guitar, bass guitar, and a drum set…At some point we had a keyboard, but it wasn’t often played. And I wore things like athletic shorts to church because I could and partly because it was a…
Yesterday I was in bed by 9 PM. Yes I missed as one of my friends put it “One of the best [NCAA Men’s D I basketball] championship games ever.” In fact I didn’t even turn it on. Perhaps someone should check my temperature… Anyway, the question is did I get up in the morning? The…
Have you ever known you need to do something, but struggle doing it? You know you need to work-out regularly, but somehow the day gets away from you and then three weeks have gone by and you haven’t broken a sweat? You know you need to wake early in the morning because you are more…
Yesterday was wonderfully busy. In the truest sense of the word wonderful. My husband took two kids to school. I took one to eye therapy and then to school. I talked to my sister on the phone. That was a treat because we kept missing each other over the last week or so. I took…
I feel it my my soul when I struggle to do something. Anger boils hot. It bubbles in different forms. “This stupid computer.” “It’s not abstract?! If you have to say it isn’t terribly abstract it probably is abstract.” “UGH! Why doesn’t this work the way I think it should work!” Underlying my frustration is…
So take courage! For I believe God. It will be just as he said. Acts 27:25 There was a storm raging. Waves battered the wooden boat. The wind howled so loud one had to scream to be heard. The storm raged for days and days. All aboard the little boat were sure they would die….
“Are you at the school yet?,” I said breathlessly into my cell phone. “No, I’m at the stop sign,” my husband answered. “Why?” “L has eye therapy this morning,” my heart clenched tight. We missed her last appointment because it was Spring Break and I forgot. “I’ll drop E and J at the school…
Today I have a post at The M.O.M. Initiative with ideas about how to teach kids about Easter. God puts a lot of emphasis on names. He has many different names to help us understand His character better. We cannot completely understand Him as He is just like a dog cannot understand his master completely….
Father God thank You for being Holy – completely different than me. I praise You for Your goodness and mercy. Thank You for grace unimaginable. Oh my God You are so patient with me. Thank You for making a wretch like me Your treasure. Thank You for Jesus who died so I could live. Forgive…
“Unstable snow,” my friend and expert snow-shoer hollered over her shoulder. I grinned as the snow sunk an inch under the weight of my next step. I began to take baby steps to prevent myself from doing the splits should the snow truly give-way. The snow glittered in the sunlight as a mountain in the…
Oh to be grounded in God. On my knees. On what I allow my mind to dwell. In where I fix my eyes. In the paths I walk. As I die to me and live to Him. There is freedom. Freedom from doubt, condemnation, fear. And freedom feels wildly out of control. Yet God…
Today I have a post at The M.O.M. Initiative. It gives you tips about how to encourage or help out a friend dealing with infertility. Check it out by clicking here. Today I normally do a link-up, but not going to do it. I have been crazy busy with school, family, church, life. . ….
How can I respond without entering in the whirling emotions? How do I act when my souls steams angry hot from the daggers they just threw? Jesus did it with stories and sometimes I pray a story will come, but most often my words, sharpened with anger, spew from my angry hot soul. At times…
It seems like there is fire in my nerves. My heart clinches tight and although nothing is really wrong everything irritates. My raw soul seeks out offense and bristles at anything that does not go my way. My words drip with frustration. And I can’t seem to stop. Perhaps I am still learning to wait….
I’m drowning in about 1300 years of church history. The paper is due Sunday night and I haven’t written one word. I do have a bunch of notes though. And in the middle of this paper my stomach cramps and my brain swirls. Then there is life. Crazy life. Beautiful and messy (literally both milk…
Life is messy. My broken jagged edges scrape against the wounds of others. I tear them open. Bleeding they turn frustrated words and broken pieces tear at my heart. And words can’t be taken back. Once said or written they can be repeated or re-read or forwarded or copied. The sting in my words –…
“I love you. You are my child,” I insisted. “But why? I am a pain,” my child asserted. “You are young and it is my job to train you so you will love God and be a wise adult,” I replied. “Sometimes you say and do things that hurt my feelings. Sometimes I get…
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