“So don’t throw away your confidence, which has great reward. For you need endurance, so that after you have done God’s will, you may receive what was promised…But we are not those who draw back and are destroyed, but those who have faith and are saved.” Hebrews 10:35-36 and 39 CSB
I’ve been silent for a long time.
I believed my silence was a way to honor God, a way to find rest, a way to fight the doubt and insecurities. I had found something new that God had called me to do.
I was teaching leadership, working as a full-time school nurse, even helping with development at the small private school I was working at. What could be better than helping hundreds of students hear the gospel daily?
But in my silence, I wasn’t resting. In my work, I wasn’t being obedient to God’s calling.
‘Write,’ the word was not audible, but it was clear. I knew this word was God’s answer to my prayer. The one I prayed over 12 years ago when I asked God what I was supposed to do when a ministry door shut. I prayed, “What do I do if I can’t do this?”
‘Write a book,’ the idea pressed at my heart and mind. I knew the book. The one I looked for as I wrestled with infertility. The one that did not exist in 2004.
So I jumped in with two feet. Writing, blogging, speaking, attending conferences. God told me to do this so I was going to do it.
I had some success, a lot of rejection, and doubts began to creep.
‘No one is going to listen to you. Who do you think you are?’ my thoughts battled God’s calling.
‘Credentials…that’s what I need,’ I convinced myself that education would drive away the doubt and insecurity.
So God made a way and I jumped into seminary.
‘I can’t be a fraud if I have letters behind my name,’ I worked hard to convince myself.
I earned the letters, I had the education, I continued to write and speak. Still no one came forward begging for my manuscript or wanting to publish my book.
I still didn’t have blooming speaking ministry and my manuscript was beginning to gather dust.
‘How can I grow my influence? What’s next?’
So I found the John Maxwell Team. A team of certified speakers, trainers, and coaches. If I have his name on my things, maybe my platform will grow. Maybe I will be noticed. Maybe then I can get my book published.
I lost sight of God’s call in the mad rush to be be traditionally published. In the dash to have the speaking ministry I longed for I began to run from the calling.
But I am done with running from God’s calling and I am ready to run the race God has marked out for me.
God’s calling was never to have a traditionally published book or a thriving speaking ministry. His calling was to write a book and speak.
His calling never guaranteed that rejection or doubts would not come. He just called me to obey.
So here I am in obedience writing, speaking, and I signed a contract to get the book published, the one to help women dealing with infertility. Prayerfully, this will lead to more books being published. Prayerfully, this is just the beginning.
Where have you lost confidence in God’s calling on your life?
What place do you need to stop running from God’s calling and start running the race God marked for you?
NOTE: I am still trying to figure out my writing schedule in all of this. I do plan on at least one blog post a week. And one video per week. Would you pray for me as I seek to obey God’s calling? I would love to pray for you!