My Side of the Bed
Do you ever wake up on the wrong side of the bed?
My heart isn’t on cue with my mind.
Before my feet hit the floor my to-do list becomes a mountain.
My shoulders and neck tense.
I begin to borrow trouble from tomorrow, keeping a record of wrongs against me, and feeling unappreciated.
Time seems to fly and I never get everything done I want to in the morning.
My eyes are on me, my failures, my short-comings, my expectations.
Then the screaming ensues. No, not mine, but my precious three. At least one if not all of them fuss and cry while getting ready for school.
My shoulders more tense, my patience at an all-time low, and my heart rate increases as I wonder if we will make it to school on time.
Seriously folks. I act as if a tardy slip is a big fat F for mommy. Somehow I think DHS will come take my kids if I don’t get them to school on time. Don’t ask me where I get this sad excuse for perfectionism, but I have it. The kind that won’t do something until I have “time” to do it “right.” So I just don’t do it…Like put laundry away or finish cleaning out my craft room so I actually have a usable office space…Click here to read more about that issue.
Now I am stepping on my toes.
Back to the wrong side of the bed…Here is the thing…
I can’t control whether I wake up on the “wrong side of the bed” or not. I didn’t decide this morning that cranky would be fun. I just felt it. What I can control are my actions. Despite how I feel, I can still behave with love. I can still struggle and fight to show patience. I can still reach out to God who loves me despite what my heart is telling me.
There is freedom in that. I’ll be honest. My heart didn’t get much better throughout the day. I had some moments of peace and I felt joy, but most of the day I fought to keep my eyes on God. I struggled to remain patient while my children bickered (and I sent them to time-out). I clawed off the baggage of perfectionism that stuck to me time and again. I failed some and I triumphed some.
But here is what I didn’t do. I didn’t give into my cranky. I didn’t let my raw soul infect my responses. I didn’t give my irritability permission to run wild. Why?
Because I don’t want my heart to lead me, I want my mind to lead me.
“Do not conform any longer to the pattern of this world, but be transformed by the renewing of your mind. Then you will be able to test and approve what God’s will is—his good, pleasing and perfect will.” Romans 12:2
What do you do when you wake up on the wrong side of the bed?