Infertility Issues

I have blogged about my infertility journey and if you want the long story here are the links to those posts:

You are not alone
My Journey with Shadrach, Meshach, and Abednego
Then There were 28
What Happened to the Nine?
The Final Three

The short story is this:

I had one child naturally. Then when trying to conceive (TTC) our second child, I had two different tubal pregnancies, one in each tube, and both tubes ruptured. So in about six months, I lost my ability to conceive naturally. My husband and I prayed and decided in-vitro fertilization (IVF) was the way God was leading us to expand our family. Through that process we had two more children. However I still long for more children. Against my will, God has called me to write about my journey and encourage others walking the same path with me. I’d love to learn more about your journey. Drop me a comment!

The question can a Christian use IVF is a long and winding road. I would never wish IVF on my worst enemy, but I have two wonderful children through the process. The process is fraught with spiritual, moral, ethical, and financial issues. The medications and procedures themselves are physically and emotionally draining. God must be your guide and His Word your compass. There is no one-size fits all answer, but IVF can be done in a life honoring, God glorifying way.

Is IVF right for you?

1. Pray for wisdom and guidance.
2. Make sure both you and your husband are on the same page.
3. Think through contingencies. . . What if one or both of us dies and we have embryos in the freezer? Are we prepared for the financial burden of paying for IVF and embryo storage fees?
4. Decide on a budget and stick to it. Remember you have to feed and clothe children, if you go into debt to have children you may not be able to financially care for them.
5. Consider the physical and emotional toll IVF takes on your or your wife’s body.

I have three articles that address some of these issues on ezinearticles.com. Check them out here:

Infertility Treatments and God
Infertility Encouragement – Comparison is Not Your Friend
In-Vitro Fertilization (IVF) – 10 Things I Didn’t Know Until it Was Too Late

I am praying for you as you consider if IVF is the direction God is leading you.
Blessings,
Angela

P.S. Consider joining my Infertility Support group on Facebook by click here.

191 Responses to Infertility Issues

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  5. Chelsea says:

    My husband and I are trying to have our first child and we have not made it as far as IVF yet but we are working on my lack of ability to ovulate. Lot of people have been making us feel very guilty about doing this saying that we are going against Gods will and that God didn’t intend for us to have children or we wouldn’t have to use medicine to do so even though I have a disease that causes me not to. Your post made me feel better. It helped me realize that God is leading me through this trial and no one else. I appreciate this blog and sharing what you’ve been through. I’d love to hear any advise you have. Thanks again. Chelsea.

    • I will pray for you and your husband as you walk down this difficult path Chelsea. I pray that God’s peace will guard your heart as you lay all your fears and anxieties, hopes and dreams at His feet.

    • Chelsea,

      I will continue to pray that God guides and directs you and your husband. And that God gives you a miracle in your womb.

  6. afro Mummy says:

    I am 31yrs old lady.I have tried to conceive for five years.Eight months ago i had a laparoscopy myectomy done.I had a large fibroid in my uterus that made one of my fallopian tube twisted,i also had ovarian cyst and endometriosis.
    I am still trying to concieve naturally but all in vain.I am now thinking of doing IVF but my husband is not supporting that idea since he is not queit sure if its allowed as a born again christian or it will go against God the creator of everything!!?
    Is God really pleased with IVF? ..and how can i convience my husband? I need God to guide me through.Kindly advice me.

    • I am so sorry you have to deal with infertility.

      Your question has no simple answer. At it’s simplest one could argue that you are not going against God’s will if you take medicine for high blood pressure or chemotherapy for cancer. However fertility treatments also require a bit of deeper thinking. Most importantly can fertility treatments be done in a life honoring way — since the bible supports the sanctity of life from the womb? Can we afford treatment? What type of treatments are we ok with doing?

      Instead of trying to convince your husband pray for both of you. Do your research, read about fertility treatments from both sides of the issue. Then prayerfully share what you have learned with your husband in kindness and humility. Pray for unity of mind, but be prepared if the answer is still no.

      I will continue to pray for you both as well.

    • Joseph m Owens and his twin Jennifer m Owens from Plymouth,Ma says:

      Go right from God who he himself is and has been invitro

  7. Tracy says:

    Angela – I just came across this post. My husband and I were told about six months ago that IVF was our only shot at having our own child… We just decided to move forward with it after a lot of prayer, but even now after the decision has been made, I still keep hoping and wishing that it wasn’t something that we had to consider. I think I wrestle with wondering if I will ever feel like I belong with the women who conceive on their own… Whether or not I’m a “fake” for going down his path. God knew that, tonight, I needed these words desperately. Thank you for being so transparent and for the reminder that God is still the Author of Life, no matter how much science is involved!

    • I’m so sorry you have to deal with infertility. I pray that you cling closely to God so He can comfort and guide you through this journey. I remember many times crying about how other got to have fun while trying to conceive. And I had shots, ultrasounds, procedures, etc. I told God it wasn’t fair. But I also knew there was no one else I could go to. He is the author of life and I had to trust Him with every shot and With His help I could take every rouge feeling and thought captive to Him…I pray that you will see God’s glory through this journey and that He will be your comfort and strength.

    • Praying for you today Tracy.

  8. Erika says:

    I just turned 30 had an Ectopic pregnancy back 2011 it was the hardest think I’ve even gone through. My husband and I are now considering IVF I am really scared I am praying to God and guide me I don’t want to make a decision that will effect me emotionally its so hard sometimes I just don’t want to make the wrong choice.

    • Erika,

      I am praying for wisdom and peace and unity for you and your husband. As long as you are praying and following God’s guidance — not going against His declared will in His Word — you cannot “make a wrong choice.” If your desire is to glorify God in all you say and do, God will be glorified whether you use IVF or not. May God’s grace and peace guard your hearts and minds as you pray to Him.

  9. Denise says:

    Hi- I just read your post. Beautiful. My husband has 2 children from a previous marriage. We have been married almost 3 years. I thought we were on board with having children together, but it seems now that it’s not so easy for me, he may be changing his mind. I mentioned adoption , and he said no, we’re not going to “buy” a child. Surrogacy & he looked at me like I had 4 heads:( We have an appointment with an RE this next week. I’ve mentioned it so many times & found he did not put it down on his calendar with his important things & that he has to work. I told him he must leave early to join me at this appointment. I cannot do this by myself. I don’t think I can continue in this marriage if he does not want to go as far as we need to, to have children. I really am sad & feel like my heart is stomped on , finding out he may not be taking this seriously because it requires more effort or simply changing his mind. I think he is still holding out hope I will get pregnant naturally. Sure, I hope too but I’m not going to live in denial about the situation.

    • Denise,

      It is very difficult when we are not on the same page as our husbands, but your relationship with him is more important than whether you do IVF, make a doctor’s appointment, etc. I encourage you to pray for unity of mind, that he would understand your desire for children…That the two of you will do the difficult work of making your marriage work during this difficult road of infertility. Any marital issues you have will be amplified on artificial hormones, shots, timing sex, or whatever procedures the RE may suggest. So the first work is getting your relationship with your husband as healthy as possible. Then when their is unity of mind and heart whether to adopt or consider treatments will come together. I would feel hurt if my husband did not put an RE appointment on his calendar as well. But you must work at reconciliation and unity prior to moving forward or infertility will not be your biggest problem. A broken marriage will be…

      • Denise says:

        Thank you for the reply. We talked (and I cried) about it earlier & o am trying to help him understand my point of view & heart on this. It’s all very stressful. Actually, right now in general is kind of stressful aside from trying to conceive. I don’t want to add to it, but I don’t want to put my desires on the back burner either. I love my husband & know he is the most perfect husband God picked special for me. I know we will get through this. Please be thinking of us in your prayers. Thanks again.

  10. Katie palla says:

    Angela,
    Thank you for your post. Infertility is difficult and it was nice to hear your words.

    We have been trying to conceive for 3 years and have gone through 6 embryo transfers and have had a miscarriage. We are preparing for another round of treatment. I am so happy to hear that God has blessed you with your children.

    We pray that God will guide us and continue to provide for us.

    Katie

  11. Joyce says:

    Hi Angela,

    I was searching for a blog for Christian women and stumbled on yours. I needed a forum where people like me, people who are going through similar experiences to share Gods love through encouragement.
    To say that trying to conceive has been the most difficult thing I have ever experienced is an understatement. I have been married for 7 years, conceived naturally twice but lost both pregnancies. I had undergone a surgery two years after we wedded to remove a fibroid that was a hindrance, I got pregnant 6 months after but had a miscarriage few weeks later. We continued trying and I got pregnant exactly one year after the first but it was tubal pregnancy and needed to be terminated. Because I was so stressed I opted for injections which I guess wasn’t the best decision because I haven’t been able to conceive since then. I had a HSG done in 2012 and I was informed I had bilateral hydrosalpinx and my chances to conceive naturally is zero %. My husband and I have tried getting other opinions, alternatives etc and have cried out to God continuously because we cant afford IVF but nothing seemed to work.
    In the past two years, we have silently decided not to try anymore as this was seriously affecting our relationship. I cant stop thinking about my kids, I ask God questions each day hoping for an answer. Sometimes I cry and blame myself for loosing those pregnancies other times I just wish I wasn’t even married then I wouldn’t even worry. I had my 40th birthday this February and I just couldn’t celebrate it, all I kept thinking of was-so this is it, I may never get the opportunity to have my own children. I have talked about adoption with my husband but that isn’t an option for him and I don’t want to be pushy about it.
    I want to have faith like Hannah, I need a miracle like Sarah and Elizabeth and above all we want to be open to Gods purpose/will for us.

    Lady J

  12. Christine says:

    My husband and I tried to conceive for 5 years and I would not consider IVF. On a visit to my OB she said I don’t want you to regret anything. So I prayed and prayed and I felt something leading me to IVF. It was God. A year later I embarked on the IVF journey and am pleased to say I have a beautiful 3 year old daughter. Since then I have had two ectopic pregnancies with one tube removed, one miscarriage and a failed frozen embryo cycle and a failed IVF cycle. I noticed with this past IVF cycle I was not trusting God and trying to control every aspect of this cycle. It was a fail, probably because I did not trust God like I did with the first cycle. I am now wrestling with what to do. I am praying that God gives me one more healthy baby, but is IVF the answer again??!! We are blessed to be able to afford it. So please pray that the Holy Spirit makes God’s purpose plan as day to me. I tend to have a hard time giving up control.

  13. concerned husband says:

    What exactly happens when embryos are frozen? Our RE says that only about 71% of them make it through the freezing and thawing process. Are the ones that die ones that would die anyways? I am struggling with this issue. Thanks you.

    • That is a really good question and I’m not sure there is a definite answer. All my embryos that were frozen survived the freezing/thawing process. When freezing an embryo it has to be partially dehydrated because my embryologist said ice crystals can rupture the cells of the embryo and cause it to die. My understanding is that to the best of our ability we keep embryos alive and safe through the freezing process…It is the best and safest way that we know of now to care for the embryos God creates through IVF. Just as our understanding of good nutrition changes with more knowledge there may be safer ways to care for embryos in the future, but right now this is our best. I hope that helps.

  14. MissyAnn says:

    Hello: thank you for this blog. I have not read all of your posts but I plan to do so after writing to you. I am sure I will find encouragement for my journey. I will start by saying I love Jesus and I so want his will for our lives. My husband and I tried IVF 3 years ago and it did not work. I was so sad when we got the call from the doctor telling us, “I don’t have good news” (if you’ve gotten this call you know the sinking feeling) it was all my hopes seeming crushed in that moment. After this I said I could not try IVF again. Now we have began to talk about it again as we still have no children together. I am 35 and my husband is 41.. Well as you know the processes is so demanding. You basically give your life up after this pursuit. I wish there was a way to be more private about our endeavor but it seems that when I need to be gone from work so often and spending many hours at the doc (we live 90 miles from the nearest IVF clinic) – it’s hard to be private – I guess I would not be concerned if people know rather it is the painful reality I experienced when telling my family friends and coworkers that it did not work and we are not pregnant. I still hope each month that when my cycle is even a half of day late that this could be it! I know God is able – I want His will and we are waiting to know!! Still hopeful and happy to be able to share. In his love Missy Ann

  15. Sean says:

    I really like how you emphasize the points and concerns about deciding to have an IVF and a child ultimately. Those are the facts that obviously matters and will matter in our lives.

  16. Hazel McGillivray says:

    Thank you so much. 9 years ago, my husband and I, faced with major fertility issues (my ovaries just don’t work), prayerfully decided to pursue egg-donation IVF, after investigating and praying about all the options. We felt wonderful about our decision, and always knew we would donate any remaining embryos, once we were done. It was hard, and expensive, but totally worth it. I have a wonderful, scary-smart 8 year old boy and a beautiful, artistic 6 year old girl. All 8 of our remaining embryos were donated via a Christian embryo adoption agency, so they could be a blessing to another family, as much as we were blessed. Everything was fine. Until today. My pastor, in answer to the Planned Parenthood ethical issues lately, decided to have a sermon on abortion – but lumped in IVF as well – ONLY concentrating on the frozen and/or discarded embryos as living souls being murdered. Afterward I asked him about embryo adoption, and he knew nothing about it! My husband walked out of church, and I felt as if my family were almost under attack – since most know about my “miracle babies”. Thank you that you have written that IVF CAN be Godly, and God-honoring. I just wish my pastor had done a bit more research before his sermon.

    • I’m so sorry that your pastor spoke in such a way. While I agree that discarding frozen embryos is murder, he should have found the positive side as well and discussed negative side. I pray for healing for both you and your husband. And opportunities for you to share how IVF can be done in a life honoring and God honoring way.

      • Hazel McGillivray says:

        Thank you again. So much. I’m actually crying in relief that we are not alone, and that someone is praying for us in a positive way – I kinda feel that enough in our church right now are praying for us to “see our sin”, since they did NOT get all the information.

        We also agree that discarding them is murder, they are human babies, and as far as we know, no viable embryos from our treatments were ever discarded. We also felt that leaving them frozen for long periods of time was tantamount to murder, as well, which was why we donated them as soon as my daughter was born.

        One last point; I didn’t really explain my infertility – there was evidence that my ovaries never worked due to a seeming pre-pubescent chlamydia infection, that damaged my developing ovaries to the point they never worked. Through no fault of choice of my own. I probably don’t need to explain further, but I’m sure you can see just why it was even more important to me to pursue any medical miracles.

        • Oh Hazel,

          My heart hurts for you and all the things that went into your decision to use IVF. I pray that you will see God’s hand of grace and comfort and mercy through all you are dealing with that you may extend the same comfort, grace, and mercy to others.

    • Patricia says:

      Hazel, could you please provide me with the name of the Christian embryo adoption agency? My husband and I are going through donor egg IVF as well and I would really like for any viable embryos to be available to other struggling couples. Thank you.

  17. Joana says:

    Hi Angela,
    I have just received my package from the hospital with all my medication as we are due to start our first cycle of IVF next month. We have been trying to conceive for about 4years now but with no success. We were told that we are both healthy so they couldn’t explain why we are unable to conceive . It is such a confusing and emotional period and even though we are both in agreement to start IVF I still wander if this is the path that God would choose for us .
    I still have a few days and I will be seeking Gods will to be made clear to us but I would appreciate if you could pray for us also . We haven’t told anyone yet about our decision to undergo IVF so your prayers would be much apreciated .

    • Father God please give Joanna and her husband wisdom about what is the next step for them as they try to conceive. Give them direction and peace as they desire to bring you glory in all they do. In Jesus’ name I pray, Amen.

  18. Joanne kruger says:

    Hi my husband and I have 4 adopted kids, and we really would like one more, but we can’t find a baby anywhere to adopt. So we are going to get a surrogate mom and donor sperm. Is this right in the eyes of God..I keep asking myself, please help?

    • Joanne,

      I cannot point to a biblical example that says absolutely not. Some would argue that Sarah attempted to use Hagar in this way and that did not turn out well…But I think there are many things that are different in that story than in your circumstances.

      I would caution you to pray…be on the same page with your husband…Be very careful with your choice of surrogate…Pray through all the details surrounding cost, embryos created, what if the surrogate doesn’t care for herself well? What if the surrogate engages in risky behaviors? What if the surrogate miscarries or never gets pregnant? I am sure there are more things to consider, but start there.

      Consider the foster system…

      pray and let God open doors…

      I personally never considered a surrogate and am not comfortable with that in my life, but I have no clear biblical base for those feelings.

    • Joanne,

      Some people would say this is not ok because of the story recorded in Genesis about Sarah and Hagar. I do not agree with this reasoning, but there are a bunch of issues to consider about surrogacy and donor sperm.
      1. Not every cycle works. It could take quite sometime and multiple sperm donations and the surrogate being willing to go through the cycle multiple times to get pregnant.
      2. Is the surrogate a friend or family member? What kind of arrangement paying for medical expenses? Paying for her time bearing your child? Etc…
      3. What kind of activities would you not want your surrogate to engage in while carrying your child? Are you concerned about her diet? Does she have a substance that will be difficult for her to give up while bearing your child (like alcohol, smoking, or even caffeine)?

      I’d say think and pray hard for wisdom. If you remain uncomfortable perhaps it isn’t the route for you. I’ll pray God gives you and your husband wisdom.

  19. Lillian says:

    Hi angela I’ve read your posts you’re such a lovely woman. It has helped me through a difficult time. I’m catholic and we all know that they don’t agree with ivf and it’s procedures. I spoke with my priest and i was made to feel guilty even after telling him we’ve tried other options and told him that God still decides whether this works or not he still proceeded to tell me not to go down that path. This trial we’re going through God does have a hand in this right?

    • Lillian,

      I am so sorry for your infertility struggle. I am not a Catholic and I will not pretend to know all of their thoughts or beliefs about fertility treatments. I do know that the mailing teaching is that I have committed a sin and I am enabling others to do so by sharing my experiences and understanding of God’s Word. I also believe that your priest and many like him are not trying to be hurtful or unfeeling. They are trying to keep us from doing something they believe is against God’s will.

      Your question as I understand it is “is God working in and through infertility treatments?” My simple answer is yes. Yes because no matter how hard scientists and doctors try we cannot make a sperm and egg create and embryo. We can put them in the position to do so. We can even insert a sperm directly into an egg, but even then sometimes a baby is not created. We can watch an embryo grow healthy and transfer it into a womb and still that precious baby may not implant. Some babies look super healthy under the microscope and they don’t implant in the womb while others look sickly and have no problems implanting and being carried to term. Yes God guides and directs IVF and other fertility treatments much like He does natural reproduction…but as Believers we must use IVF in a life honoring way.

      I pray that God blesses you and guides you and your husband as you look to His will and direction in your infertility journey.

      • Lillian says:

        Thank you so much for responding. My intention is not to hurt out lord and we will be enabling everything possible to make sure it life honoring and if we’re lucky that god grants us children i will be bringing them up with christ in their life, as i always intended to do so.

  20. Kate says:

    I am really struggling with when is the right time to pursue IVF. My husband and I have been told this is our only option to have biological children. We’ve been trying for 2 years. I know God is able to give us a miracle naturally so I’m wrestling with when to stop “waiting” and go through with IVF. I’m also so worried about having extra embryos and what to do to give them a chance at life as well. Please pray for us to make the choice that God desires.

  21. Maria says:

    Dear Anjela,
    My husband and I have one child from IVF. When we married, I got two ectopic pregnancies for six months and my fallopian tubes were cut. At spring we tried another IVF, but unfortunately unsuccessful. We have two frozen embryos. My husband and I are a Christians (Protestants). During our first IVF I was sure that God is not against that and that we are on the right position in our way as Christians. But now I get some doubts. I started to read what other Christians think about IVF. I read and read and finally read your articles. You encouraged me so much! Thank you for doing that!

    Maria

  22. Katie says:

    Thank you for sharing your story! I am almost 24 and my husband is almost 26. We’ve been married for three years and trying to conceive for a year and a half. After multiple semen analysis, we’ve discovered that my husband has a fairly low count and an extremely low morphology (2%). We did three medicated IUIs, all were unsuccessful. There’s still a chance it COULD happen on its own, but it could take 10 years or never happen. We are going to continue to try naturally until June. If it doesn’t happen by then, we are going to do IVF. My husband is afraid that the freezing process is morally wrong, since it can put the embryo at risk sometimes. But I don’t feel the same way. I think the freezing/thawing process is safe and the best way to go. Praying God can give us clarity. This has been a total awakening for me. I am so use to planning and taking control, but I must give this to God because He is the one in charge. I thought I’d have two kids by now, but God knows what is best. Always.

    • Oh Katie, I’m so sorry for your struggles. I pray God guides and directs you both. I encourage you to wait on your husband. Don’t run ahead of him or his concerns. Often our husbands’ direction – though seemingly irritating at times – is the best protection for us and our babies (frozen or fresh embryos are your babies). More than once I have begrudgingly followed my husband only to be grateful for the protection from unseen or unforeseen problems. And this is the best lesson to learn for all of life…God’s ways and plans are always better than ours…we can trust Him despite our circumstances or what our emotions are telling us…Praying for you and your husband!

  23. Jazz says:

    Hi Chelsea. Thank you for your story. My husband and I never thought that infertility would be a part of our story but it is. In 2005, we found out my husband had a low sperm count. We did one round of an IUI and were grateful to have our daughter in October of 2006. It was fast…and we didn’t think of what would happen later…but my maternity instinct of kicked in again about 2009. And as time passed on…2013 is when we decided to get him checked out again. We were devastated to find out he had zero sperm count this time around. We looked into adoption and were even matched pretty quickly in Jan of 2015. In April, the expectant mother decided to leave the agencies for reasons that are still not too clear to me. So we are left again, with a loss. I am a Christian women. I try my best to keep my eyes on our Lord. But these days, I hate my situation. I know GOD has a bigger plan for us. I do. But sometimes, that awful feeling w/all of those awful questions tug on my heart making me feel the weight of it all. Why me? Why us? Why can they and I can’t? Over and over again. I prayed, I pray, and will cont. to pray that GOD can calm my heart and soul…to wait on him…and trust that if he brings us another child…that is great, and if he does not…that is great too. Please pray for our family…please pray for me, to just trust in the only one that loves me more then I can ever imagine…and trust that he sees me, feels my pain, and loves me enough to take me out of this very ugly sadness soon. I have seen his work…I know he is at work. It’s just very hard when we get news of another family member who is expecting…that is what usually opens us my pain all over again.

    • Oh Jazz…I get your pain and I love that your heart is to be satisfied in whatever God chooses to do. I pray that as we both long for more God will work in our hearts and minds to bring Himself glory and that we may be filled with the knowledge that we are loved and He knows what is best and that we can trust Him with our longings.

  24. Amy-Lee says:

    I’m 20 and really want to be a mum I am single and a virgin I just want to know is ivf a sin. I have a strong desire to have a baby and I ask GOD to take the desire away but it really never does except once and it came back even stronger than ever, I always cry for my child to come, I was told while I was praying to bless my womb and pray for my baby.please help me.

  25. Janet says:

    My husband and I are in the process of Ivf. In a couple of days we will be doing our embryo transfer. As the day approaches, I been feeling down. Praying even harder for God’s mercy. How did you handle the waiting part?

  26. Glory says:

    Hi Angela, I, glad you opened this discussion, actually today I am so in pain of all the losses I had. I’m current.y pregnant using donor egg and we agreed to it with my husband but the pain I’m feeling as if I have been robbed of. I am asking God why, I tried all my life to do the right thing though I have never been perfect but asking why me Lord. I have been crying day long.

  27. Nicki says:

    Evening people. My brother and sister in-law are due to start ivf in the new year. They have one child already but have struggled for the last 5 years to conceive another. I know at rimes thus has tested my sister in laws faith and its been a long journey to get to this point. For Christmas I am wanting to put together a journal for her, to track her appointments and have an outlet to write her feelings, prayers and anything else which she may to write down. Within this I would lo e to have additional pages of others experiences, scriptures or poetry which they found comforting and it would be lively to incorporate some prayers. Would any of you lovely ladies who have or are experiencing this process be kind enough to contribute a few words for which I can print and stick in.
    Thank you in advance and gidbless x

  28. Jen says:

    I came across this blog yearning for some answers and some peace. We are currently on the long hard road of infertility, which has included surgeries, multiple testing, 2 failed IUI’s and 3 failed IVF’s. We just had our 3 faked IVF right before Christmas. I have severe endometriosis which has caused me to lose my tubes, so IVF if our only chance of a pregnancy. Also, the endometriosis has caused my egg quality to be poor for my age-so our doctor suggested donor eggs. We have 4 frozen embryos left (from our donor fresh cycle) and hope our baby is in there. We really feel God has lead us to IVF, but at this point I’m not sure it will end with a baby. Thank you for having this blog! I don’t want to run away from God, but this is really testing my faith.

    • Oh Jen I am so sorry that you are going through this. I am praying that regardless of the outcome you bring God glory and draw closer to Him through it all.

      • Jen says:

        Thank you so much for replying and for the prayers! I have grown so much through this trial and have also been able to help others. God continues to give me a strong desire to be a mom, so I won’t give up. Just hope it’s soon!

    • Selah says:

      I just want to say I feel your pain. I have no tubes due to ectopic pregnancies. I see other women who would rather not have their kids or don’t care for them well, and I felt angry at God because I felt like I was more deserving than these women to have children. But I dream just a few nights ago and I won’t bore you with the details but in the dream it ended up showing me that just because I really have a desire for something or wanted something before somebody or more than somebody doesn’t make me more deserving of it I am the same no more no less than any other woman whether I have a child or not . It’s still a concept that I’m trying to completely wrap my mind around because there’s a woman isn’t that part of what we’re here for? I am confused about doing IVF I want to stand firm in believing that God still does miracles like he did with Sara and Abraham. But is IVF part of that for me or will it just be a lost cause and a lot of emotional strain and money wasted and just putting my body through so much I don’t know if that’s honoring God or not and I don’t know if I meant to have babies. Maybe I won’t have a child of my own because God wants to use me for something else and maybe it would distract me and the other thing will be so much more for filling . I know God will make me a mother I don’t know when and I don’t know how . And this is a test of faith I was angry before but now I have turn this around to grow closer to God and also I’ve gotten my body just healthier and it started out for the purpose of carrying a baby but now it’s for myself and for God because I just feel better and because it’s the me know my body is my temple and I need to honor God by honoring my body. I just learned that my desire for a baby should not be stronger or greater than my desire for the Lord . And I believe that God cries out for us like we are crying out to God for babies . He wants to be first in our lives and sometimes he will allow things to not get in the way for our own good so we can be closer to him which is the most important thing. I hope this helps , just know you are not alone and more importantly that no matter what, God is always with you.

  29. Angela Williams says:

    Hi Angela

    Thank you for sharing you journey. I want share with you my journey.
    Me and my husband were trying to have children for few years. I knew from the very beginning that it would be hard to conceive a baby, because doctors told me few years ago after my ectopic pregnancy (egg was stuck in the tube) that I may never get children or not in a natural way. We went to the doctors few years ago. After 2 years seeing doctors (which was very frustrating waiting time) they finally transferred us to the IVF clinic and that was last year. They more or less pushed us to do IVF after all. We signed paper with them and then the process was starting. On that day we signed the paper for the IVF we were thinking they would try with us to conceive naturally first(hormonal injections,etc) They didn’t explain that they wouldn’t do that, so we didn’t know that we’re doing the IVF straight away. We thought that would be the last resource, otherwise we wouldn’t sign the paper. We didn’t know to that time that it was God’s plan that we do the IVF. We never did that before, so we thought that they do that with every couple to try conceive naturally first and then IVF. Anyway we were going through the whole process of the IVF (injections every day). It was very hard for us. I was crying nearly every day, because I saw my sister in law nearly every week with her new born and she conceived naturally, even friends in church they all had new borns to that time. So very very hard for us. We were the only young couple which haven’t had any babies in church. We were the odd one out. I tried not to get to close to them, because it was very painful for me to see that I may never get kids. On that day when they started to collect the eggs was very emotional for me. I was praying that they will find few good eggs. The day went quick for us. The day after the egg collection they phoned us how many eggs we would have left. It was from 6 eggs , 3 were left. After the egg collection day we would have to wait 5 days for the egg transfer to implant the egg in my womb. Long waiting time for us. The waiting days are usually going slower than normal days. In the waiting time I was so nervous and anxious about it that I prayed to God. I asked him if it’s his will that we will have our own baby, if he could give us one good egg. I didnt pray to prove his love to me I prayed because I wanted to be comfortable with what we are doing. I left it in God’s hand. After 5 days went over finally. We had a chat with the doctor first to see how many eggs survived. We waited long on that day. Doctors were slower on that day than all the other days. Finally we spoke to the doctor he said it was only one good egg left of all 3 of them. I didn’t see on that day that God answered my prayer already. I was too nervous to read the message from God (silly me). They transferred the egg. We had to wait for two weeks to know the result. Nervous time (I was crying a lot in the two weeks) only because I didn’t see God answered already. After two weeks of waiting we found out we were pregnant, glorious time. After all it was God’s plan. We were all over the moon. Two months ago I gave birth to a beautiful healthy girl. Since I found out I was pregnant I thank God every day for our little one. Im so grateful to have her. I’m glad now God has chosen that way for us. Whenever hard times are coming for us with our little one, I can take them easier, because I know God has a plan for us. He knows what We need. With our story I want encourage Christians that IVF isn’t bad and don’t give up praying to God, he is answering but in his own timing. God has a plan when he wants us to go through it. It is a long, hard road but if you have Jesus Christ in your life, it is possible to go through it. We were suffering tha time, but it was all worth it at the end. Every morning I wake up I look into our daughters eyes and thank God deeply that he gave us that one child I prayed for few years.

    Thanks for reading our journey through the IVF with Jesus Christ

    Angela Williams

  30. Angela Williams says:

    Before we started the IVF we were asking our pastor in church if he thinks God is ok with it as well. We didn’t start it proper without know he wouldn’t like it

  31. Elizabeth foster says:

    Im sat here in tears reading your stories i keep asking God why us and waited for husband to go out before i let go of my tears i feel no one understands me apart from God yes i believe he understands thats a comfort to me and a weight lifted, but i have this desire in my heart to be a mum, it wont go away me and my husband have being trying for almost 15 years nothing happens so we want to apply for ivf my mum was over earlier and i feel she was very insensitive to me by laughing that she cant wait for me to give birth so i know pain .. My sister and dad was with her she younger by 7 years and has 3 children i just feel heartbroken why us? Why cant we concieve naturally like everybody else tommorow we have a doctors appointment to arrange a sperm sample directly from my husbands testicles to see if he has any sperm in his testicles if he has none when they do this its game over and adoption is not a option, please lord we need your favour my heart is breaking and your the only one who understands HELP

    • Angela Williams says:

      Hi Elizabeth. If I can ask. How did it go with the appointment today? I understand how you must feel. God sees every tear. You are in my prayers. Don’t let other people’s words get you down. They haven’t got a clue how you feel, because they haven’t got that problem like you are facing at the moment, but I’m sure it came from a good place, just executed poorly.
      You are not alone, God will never desert you He will strengthen you when you need it.

    • Elizabeth,

      I pray that things went well for you yesterday. But if they did not go the way you hoped, I pray that you experience God’s nearness in a new way. We do not always understand His ways, but we can trust them because He is good.

      One thought…Have you considered embryo adoption? There are agencies that help families adopt out the embryos that they do not have the finances to transfer. It may be an option?

      Again, I am praying for you and your husband.

  32. Elizabeth foster says:

    Thank you so much xx

  33. Erika says:

    I just went through my first IVF cycle I prayed every day and left everything in God’s hands everything was going great until after my embryo transfer I started doughting and I pray to God to forgive me for that my first IVF cycle failed I am so heart broken I know we should never question God on why he does things maybe he is testing our faith our Dr. Really wants us to jump into second IVF since we have two frozen embryo’s I really don’t know what to do? I really don’t want to go though another disappointment.

  34. Jen says:

    I’m going through the same heartache, except we just found out our 4th IVF failed. We are devastated, shocked and angry. We felt God lead us here and it’s still not happening. It’s hard not to question God and his will, but I think he understands our suffering. We have 2 frozen embryos left. I just can’t take this emotional roller coaster anymore, but I feel God gave us these babies so we should give them a chance at life.

  35. Erika says:

    Jen, thanks for sharing your experience am sorry for your failed IVF I pray God blesses u soon! I agree before we decided to freeze our embryos I asked God if it was okay am glad we decided to freeze them. I feel a knot in my throat evrywere I go am trying to stay positive then start crying out of no where it hurts I pray to God to give me strength and courage to keep on going and increase my faith hope he does for you as well!:)

  36. Jen says:

    Erika you are such a strong woman! God will bless you! You are keeping strong in your faith and God will bless the faithful. We gotta keep going especially if we feel God has led us here. Xoxo

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  39. Olivia says:

    Thank you for your sharing your heart and your journey!
    I am in the midst of my own fertility journey and desperately seeking out Godly perspective as we move in to the next phase. After being diagnosed with PCOS while In college, I knew that when the time came to have a baby the road could be difficult. And it certainly has proven to be. After several years of trying and multiple rounds of clomid, my husband and I were elated to find out the desires of our hearts were being fulfilled. But a few weeks later our joy turned to mourning when we lost our baby. Once my heart and body had healed a little, we decided to try again with no success. During our last attempt, God revealed to me that I would have to wait.
    Now, months later, we have exhausted the scope of what my regular OB can do and are being referred to a RE. God has made it clear that part of His plan for me is to be a mom, but I had been questioning whether pursuing IVF was part of God’s plan or if I was going rogue. My husband has said he supports me in any avenue I want to pursue, but sometimes you just need to hear that the choice you’re making falls in line with what God wants for your life. Stumbling upon this post, and your other resources, allowed me to move forward with the peace God intended for me and to trust His plan for my family.

  40. I am so thankful that I came across this site. I was feeling so heavy with sadness. We managed to get pregnant with the very first transfer and have a precious little girl. We’ve been trying to have another one but keep failing to even get to the point of transferring. My scans are fine each time but the blood test later on keeps saying that my body is too ahead of schedule for a transfer. The ups and downs! We have 3 frozen babies left and not willing to do another round of IVF if they don’t implant. I was starting to feel angry and disconnected from God. I want to bring my babies home but I want my body (who keeps betraying me) to be able to look after them. Reading about your journey, and especially reading your prayers has been so powerful. Your prayers changed my heart towards God and I immediately could feel his presence again. I just know he led me right here. Thank you for your insights, advice and prayers. What a blessing.

  41. Mast says:

    Thanks for sharing your journey. There are clearly many of us grappling with this and not much help out there. I am a cancer survivor. For a long time, I thought my purpose was to adopt. My husband kept pushing for surrogacy. Recently my oncologist suggested implanting an embryo in my uterus. This in itself is a miracle as we were expecting my menstrual cycles to end after radiation therapy to my pelvis. However, I am riddled with guilt and confusion. I feel strongly that this particular treatment would be disobeying God- creating and ending human life in the form of embryos. Yet, the hope of possibly carrying a pregnancy to term is so great- my single greatest wish in this world. I pray for an answer everyday. Wishing you the best.

    • I pray that God calms your racing mind. That as you seek His direction the way becomes clear. That once that way is clear you keep your eyes fixed on God so that you do not doubt that He is guiding you and your husband in that direction.

    • Praying for you as well. I hope God gives you peace as He guides you and your husband through this process. Embryos are babies and we must protect them the best way we know how. I believe IVF can be done in such a way to honor those embryos, but you must ask questions.

      • Selah says:

        I have no tubes and I keep thinking about Sara which is encouraging. I also have been back and forth on IVF. What about knowing some embryos won’t make it and still allowing eggs to be fertilized? Isn’t that participating in murder. I’m not judging I just want thoughts on this. My sister did IVF and it was a huge blessing. And also for me I would only want to do it through a place that does not do gene splicing and that doesn’t toss out embryos.are there pro life IVF clinics anywhere, like Christian based? I guess if I’m not sure about it, I shouldn’t do it unless God leads me to it and it is clear. I’m having a difficult time knowing what is Him and what are my emotions. Please pray for me

        • I think it easiest to talk with both your Reproductive Endocrinologist and the Embryologist so they know what page you are on about your embryos. Since we are using our best understanding to care for the embryos we are not murdering. We are doing our best to care for our babies before they are transferred to our wombs and every moment after that. I will pray that God gives you wisdom and peace.

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  44. Nelb says:

    Hi. I’m not sure if anyone else has asked your thoughts on this. But what is your thoughts on the left over embryos that don’t need to be used?

    • Frozen embryos are babies and so they need to be transferred into a womb (either of the biological mother or an adoptive mother or even a surrogate) in order to honor the life of that particular baby.

      • Kristina says:

        What do you think about Down syndrome embryos. Nobody will want them and how to make that choice of having it discarded? Or intentionally having it transferred to biological mother’s womb. I’m thinking about IVF but wrestling with the fear for having it make hard choices.

        • I think that Down Syndrome kids are awesome. I love them. I would never discard an embryo…And so I would never do genetic testing beforehand. I would have to trust God. So we did IVF without genetic testing because we would never have to make that choice.

  45. MC says:

    Angela I am really wrestling with something. I do not know whether or not I am fertile. I have never TRIED to become pregnant, so I don’t know. However here we are getting ready for IVF and using DONOR eggs. The reason is because I have a genetic condition (I am only a carrier, I do not suffer any symptoms). However there is a clear cut % change that my offspring will inheret the gene. Further to that they may or may not lead a normal life – one has no way of telling how severe they will be affected IF atall. There may be dire mental and health issues from day one or none at all. I have spoken with my husband about this so many times. I feel like I am “going over God’s head” with this. I feel like I need to GIVE my body over to God and try naturally. If I fall pregnant, I know in my heart that all will be well and that God has a great plan for me. I would not even do the 3 month testing – where they tell you if there is something wrong and give you an option to abort. I don’t want to know. I TRUST God. I just feel like I am going over his head saying “don’t worry God, I got this” when really it is NOT up to ME. I’m so confused and just feel like crying all the time. Also surely God does not want me to incur debt (financially) for this?

    • I will pray that God gives you and your husband peace and unity in this decision. No matter if God gives you a baby through the natural process or through IVF both are His miracles. If God gives you the finances or the insurance coverage for IVF that is His working things together. Take this one step at a time, pray for God’s guidance, trust God to speak to both you and your husband to guide your steps, and see which doors He opens and which He closes. I hope that helps.

  46. Selah says:

    I have a dilemma and not sure about the answer. But they usually put 2 or more fertilized eggs in at once with IVF , and don’t expect all the eggs to live anyway , so if we are rolling the dice is that murder since we fertilize them knowing some will die?

    • When life is created in IVF we are using our best knowledge and understanding to encourage that life to grow into a healthy child. I would not call this “rolling the dice” as we are doing our best to care for each child no matter how many cells he or she contains.

      In ideal situations embryologists care for the fertilized eggs for about 5 days prior to transferring those embryos into the womb of the mother. In that time the embryologists do all they know how to keep the embryos alive and thriving so that each embryo may eventually live outside the petri dish and then outside the womb. However not all embryos survive just like not all pregnancies end in babies in mom’s arms.

      However this not rolling the dice this is life on this planet. Since we are providing the best known care for the embryos prior to transfer and after transfer then we are not murdering anyone. I hope that makes since. Thanks for the frank question.

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  48. Amanda says:

    I was once in the same boat as many of you–desperately wanting a child but struggling with the ethical and moral dilemmas posed by ARTs in general, and IVF in particular. After much thought and prayer (and years of trying everything possible to avoid IVF), my husband and I moved on to natural cycle IVF, a form of the treatment that does not use medications to hyperstimulate egg production. (Not all women will be candidates for this, as you have to be able to ovulate on your own.) I ovulated two eggs that cycle, transferred two embryos, and now have one beautiful daughter. This form of treatment took many of my personal hang-ups away…we worked with the eggs we got, and didn’t have to plan on long-term storage of multiple embryos or adoption options.

    I just wanted to make you all aware that some clinics will do natural cycle IVF. They are few and far between, but if you are grappling with ethical and moral questions about IVF, I urge you to look into NC-IVF. (Although I see NOTHING wrong with other options when done in a God-fearing, respectful way. He’s still the Creator, even if life begins in a slightly different way!) God is good, and He will direct your paths!!

  49. Suzy says:

    My husband and I are about to embark on the ‘IVF Journey’ and struggling with the thought of “What if they all actually fertilize and divide properly?” Chances are they won’t all be successful (they would take 8 eggs) – similar to how it sometimes doesn’t work naturally (so I’m ethically okay with that). How did you deal with those thoughts and questions prior to starting? I’m not sure if we should insist on only taking 6 right away? I just don’t think my body could handle 8 children if all works perfectly.

    • I had to trust God. My constant prayer was may only as many embryos as my sanity could handle survive and only as many embryos die so my heart would not break.

      I needed to trust God’s way and guidance.

      • Kristina says:

        I am not familiar with IVF but do they have to try multiple embryos? My heart wouldn’t handle the thought of any of my baby embryos to be discarded but I don’t want to try and give birth to octuplets. I’d do two but more can be very dangerous

        • My RE suggested we transfer two embryos to my womb each time. This reduces the risk of high order multiples, but not completely. Most RE’s want the best pregnancies for each patient and potential babies. High order multiples are not the safest pregnancies so they avoid them. Some embryos can split. So you could have twins, triplets, or even quadruplets. All of that is highly unlikely, but possible. On my last transfer we transferred 3 embryos (because if I got pregnant I ran a risk of losing my uterus and I didn’t want to risk not being able to take a baby home in my womb) and none of the implanted. I hope that helps.

  50. Brooke says:

    Hi Angela,
    My husband and I have been trying to conceive for over 2 years now. I am 35 and he is 45. I recently found out that I have moderate to severe endometriosis. Our RE recommended a laparoscopy after 4 failed IUI’s. I was in denial (not wanting to have surgery) and prayed for God to lead us to the right decision. He answered that prayer by placing what my Doctor thought was a “dermoid cyst” in my ovary. This could only be removed by having surgery. It turned out to be an endometrioma and I had several organs covered in endometriosis. Since then, we have had another iui which failed. Our RE is now recommending IVF. Since the endometriosis will grow back, we want to try IVF. However, we are conflicted on what God desires us to do at this point. Again, we keep praying for his direction! Would you please say a prayer for us?

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