2018. A year of breaking. God broke my comfortable world. He called me to teach high school seniors (a leadership class), enroll my kids in the school where I work, and step back into nursing by becoming a school nurse. Nothing felt comfortable. Nothing normal. In the midst of all the change my brokenness became apparent.
I couldn’t do it all. I couldn’t do it well. My house was periodically in shambles. I missed appointments, learned how much I did not know, failed my kids, snapped at my husband, and felt the stretching snapping breaking of change. I wish I could say I embraced the change, grasped for grace as the cracks became evident. Instead I allowed the newness to deepen my brokenness. I gave into frustration. I knew the truth, but I didn’t want to admit it. I am not enough. I am broken.
And yet, broken is where God wants me. Not so He can hold it over me or ridicule me, He wants me broken because when I am broken He can use me. In fact brokenness is what pleases God.
The sacrifices of God are a broken spirit;
a broken and contrite heart, O God, you will not despise.
When in our brokenness we turn to God, He will take those broken pieces and make something beautiful. Instead of broken vessels leaking purpose, joy, and hope, God makes broken people whole. He makes us whole so He can fill us with His Spirit, purpose, joy, hope, love.
May the God of hope fill you with all joy and peace in believing, so that by the power of the Holy Spirit you may abound in hope.
So how do we lived fulfilled? We bring our brokenness to God and He makes something beautiful and whole. We admit we are not enough, we cannot do it on our own. In our messy broken state God will fill us with hope, joy, peace, and His Spirit. May we all take our brokenness to God and exchange our emptiness for His fullness.