My right foot throbbed as I stood singing in the choir loft. When I sang, “You carry my healing in Your hands…” my heart jerked. Where’s your healing? It’s been nearly a year…Isn’t it hypocritical to sing of healing when you aren’t healed? My rebellious mind whirled. Your tubal pregnancies, failed IVF attempts, where is the healing there?
There are moments in life when I wonder if God’s promises are for someone else. When God seems to be healing, providing, and comforting everyone else, but me. Sure He loved me enough to save me, but He doesn’t heal my diseases or my injuries. He doesn’t seem to provide the way I expect and He doesn’t feel near. Or if He does feel near His nearness, silence, and apparent inaction breaks my heart – it confuses me.
Where is God and where are His promises when the sun rises and sets nearly 365 times and my foot is still hurting?
Where was He when my babies lodged in my tubes instead of my womb and blew a hole in my female anatomy as well as my heart?
Countless times when I have prayed for miracles that just don’t happen. And I stand in church hurting because there seem to be no miracles for me.
The problem is I don’t really know my greatest disease or my greatest need. I know what I think I need and want. I want a healthy foot and three more healthy children conceived naturally. I want healing in my physical body and I want it on my time-table. But just like a doctor who overlooks the small piece of glass lodged in a woman’s cheek to tend her profusely bleeding and mangled legs, Jesus tends to my greatest need. He is a heart surgeon more bent on making me holy and healing the rottenness of sin in my life than in healing me physically. He is more interested in making me more dependent on Him than self-reliant. And so He brings healing in His time and in His way.
His ways are not my ways. He will heal me either on this earth or in eternity. So I have to trust God’s way. I have beg Jesus to help my unbelief so I will trust Him and love Him no matter when my healing comes.
And so I stand and sing “He carries my healing in His hands,” as I wait for healing either in the present age or in the one to come.
What miracles are you praying for? I’d love to pray with you.