“Mommy, we named L's twin,” E's sweet voice and smile welcomed me as I walked into our kitchen.
Tears stung my eyes and my heart moved to my throat. L joined in and we talked about names and babies I never held in my arms. The pain of those losses clung to me long after I told the reason I thought L's twin was a boy and we named him Zachariah.
Yes Zachariah and the other 21 babies I never got to hold this side of eternity. Twenty-two babies in heaven and I wonder if. . . So many things to wonder about. The what-ifs can cling and tear and break apart.
Another accidental pregnancy and I'm happy for my friend. Yet there is a sting and I long for when I can be happy all the way through. I wait for God's healing oil and as I wait I toil. I cling to God and work and sometimes I try to forget. Yet God doesn't let me forget for long. The pain must be working something good in me, refining me, drawing me ever nearer Him. God doesn't keep us in the hard times on a whim.
So it still hurts and humbles. Yet I know God has a plan for the pain and those 22 babes. So the next several weeks we will work on memorizing Psalm 40. This week we will memorize Psalm 40:1: “I waited patiently for the Lord; he turned to me and heard my cry.”
Praying that as we wait, we cry out to God knowing He turns to us and hears our cry.