This has been quite the week. Today I have a post up at The M.O.M. Initiative on Dealing with Those Mornings.
Those of you who are dealing with infertility have been close to my heart. I don’t have a magic wand that could give you everything you want. In fact I often think that magic wand would make things worse than this longing.
So I sit here longing with you.
It reminds me of Galatians 6:2
“Carry each other’s burdens, and in this way you will fulfill the law of Christ.”
I want to help you carry your burden. I want you to know longing is part of the journey. Longing for having fun while conceiving a child (not shots and doctor appointments), for a sweet babe to grow in my womb. Longing to feel joy not joy mixed with pain when a friend or sister announces her pregnancy. Longing to not have to think about what to say when someone asks about my children. . . Heaven must houses a great number of my babes.
There is something I am learning about all this longing and pain. God is using it to refine me. No I would never choose this path for anyone, but God is slowly redeeming the pain. He is using this longing to drive me closer to Him. And isn’t that what life is all about – going deeper, pressing in, becoming more dependent on God that we may be more like Him and bring Him glory?
Maybe God will leave this longing in my heart for the rest of my life. Maybe He will fill it with more children. Maybe He will keep this longing around just long enough to make me more like Him.
No matter God’s reason or the outcome of this longing, I must trust Him to never leave me in the refining fire too long.
So I thank God for this painful longing. I thank Him that it drives me to my knees, keeps me humble, and reminds me of my dependence on Him. I also pray for His miracle in the longing: either I birth the babies I long for, adoption doors fly open for us, or my heart no longer longs for more. I am learning to trust Him in the longing and through the longing.
How do you handle longing? Please share.