I was having one of those moments – the kind when irony, joy, and frustration meet. My emotions roared between joyful excitement and fear of failure. I couldn’t decide if I should laugh or cry or go hide.
My heart thudded around in my chest like a ping-pong ball – excited flutters one moment and the next it dropped to my stomach. Stress like electricity ran through my body stimulating each muscle fiber.
“My kids are all in school this year,” my voice didn’t even convince me. “So I’ll find time for seminary while they are at school.” I sighed as I finished.
It is a question many people ask me these days. “I hear you are going to seminary. I don’t see how you have time for that.” or “When will you have time for seminary?” or “So you really want to go to seminary?”
The questions feed my secret concerns. How will I get all the work done and do it well? Am I going to fail? What will my schedule look like with a full course load and taking care of my kids and home? Am I insane?
Yet when I think about going to seminary my heart is so excited. I know God has drawn me down this road. I am excited about getting a Masters of Arts Degree in Biblical and Theological Studies. I am thrilled. I can’t wait to start.
But doubts hang about like flies, driving me nuts and sending me flailing about.
Will I be able to keep writing?
Will I be able to work on the books I am writing?
What about the speaking engagements I already have scheduled?
Am I crazy?
The answer to the last question is likely yes, I can’t help my genetics. 😉 Seriously I have to be a bit crazy to do this, but I also know the truth.
1. God has called me to do this.
2. God has called me to do all of this…seminary, writing, AND speaking.
3. I am only walking through doors He is opening for me.
4. I can trust God with my time.
The truth is the enemy of my soul tries to chain me down with doubt, fear, and stress when I step out in faith. And I let him.
I buy his lies and pity-parties. I doubt and cry and fear. Then I remember the truth. . .
“I can do all things through Him [Christ] who strengthens me.” Phil. 4:13
“For nothing will be impossible with God.” Luke 1:37
It is God who does the work in and through me. I can trust Him as I step out in faith.
It isn’t about me anyway, it is all about Him.
What do you do when doubts assail you as you step out in faith?