My self-talk pours acid on the ache of rejection.
Nobody reads your blog.
Your writing doesn’t matter.
You will never be a published author.
You are not good enough, smart enough, together enough. Who would want to read what you write?
It is a familiar battle. I step into the fray of doing God’s will for my life and Satan attacks my insecurities and weaknesses. I am not the only one. My friend Jessica wrote about thoughts of failure too.
I have written about doubts before, but I still struggle. Where is the fruit of this ministry God has given me. Is there verifiable numbers and change? Can I measure what God is doing through me? Yesterday I listened to a sermon by Drew Super called God on the Throne: A Holy Life. He was talking about Isaiah and his ministry of doom and gloom. He said, “Ministries don’t have to be fruitful, but faithful.”
Ministries don’t have to be fruitful. Look at Isaiah, Jeremiah, Amos, Hosea, and Elisha. Their ministries didn’t bear fruit. No one liked them because they told the truth of God’s impending destruction of Israel and Judah. They didn’t have many converts or huge followings, but each of these men were faithful to the ministry God gave them.
Oh to be faithful regardless of followers and attention. Faithful despite opposition or ridicule. What would my life look like if I cared more about being faithful to God than being fruitful? Could it be in my desire to reach thousands I am failing to reach the few close to me? Could it be God measures faithfulness to follow Him higher than fruitfulness? Even Jesus says, “but he who stands firm to the end will be saved.” (Matthew 24:13) He doesn’t say the fruitful will be saved, but those who stand firm, the faithful.
So I have decided to be faithful in ministry and leave the fruitfulness to the One who grows the fruit, God. I can’t make my ministry fruitful anyway.
As I cling to faithfulness I am freed of fruitfulness. Freed to do what God calls me to do and let Him grow the fruit.