There are some days I just want to gnash my teeth. My shoulders tense, my heart clenches, and every thing I see seems to scream out, “You are a failure Angela.”
I guess I am not the only one. If I am the only one you can skip this post. It won’t do you a bit of good.
Are you still with me? You are? Good I don’t feel quite so crazy when I know others are riding the same wave as I do. Although I don’t wish this crazy-frustration-failure feeling on anyone.
The bottom line is I will never be perfect…ever – at least this side of heaven I won’t. I pile responsibilities on my back as if I were a heavy weight power-lifter. When I struggle under the load I call it failure.
I spoke harshly…FAIL!
My house is a wreck…FAIL!
I didn’t even do my hair today…FAIL!
I didn’t have food in the house to make a good meal…FAIL!
What I did make for dinner was not so great, but edible…FAIL!
I am cranky…FAIL!
I wasted time…FAIL!
UGH! I can’t do it. I just can’t and there is an underlying frustration because somewhere in the back of my prideful heart I think I should be able to do it all. I should be able to spin all the plates, dress impeccably, and not even break a sweat. In reality God never intended me to do life in a vacuum without help. He also never intended me to do it all. He only asks me to do what He tells me to do. In fact I doubt very much He cares whether I do my hair or not. Shocking I know.
So why do I confuse a check-list with a relationship with my Lord? For one I can grasp a check-list and see how well I have done. You know any boxes not checked was not a great day. However in a fluid relationship with God I do not see a box checked. I wonder did I accomplish anything. He gently reminds me that I did, but I doubt or question or get frustrated by my inability to point at a day and say yes I accomplished this.
I think God likes it that way. He wants to accomplish it in and through me anyway. Why comb through my day in doubt and frustration, when He is standing there with open arms telling me…”This is what is best…Time with me. Take My burden it is light.” (see Luke 10:42 and Matt 11:28-30)
When I rest in God and His plan for me my frustration melts away. It often takes time. Sometimes I get frustrated because I feel frustrated. UGH! I am so sinful, but I am blessed that God still stand there bidding me to come to Him to find rest for my soul.
Will you join me today in resting with God? Will you spend just a few minutes basking in who He is? His power, mercy, patience, love…Meditate on a verse that proclaims who God is and pray the verse as a way of thanking Him.
How can I pray for you today?