I like being right. I hate being wrong.
In an effort to never be wrong I often ponder, pray, and only take steps when I know for sure God said yes.
Not a bad way to do things except sometimes I am a bit like Gideon. Offering test after test to make sure God really is calling me to do whatever it is.
I stand back and look at it. I measure my gifts, talents, abilities. When I don’t see much room for failure I step out and go.
The problem? I fight to not have to do things that are God-sized while longing to do huge things for God.
I may have a multiple personality disorder because it sounds nuts even as I type it…
I want to do big things for God without the risk. I want to reach others with the gospel, encourage those struggling with infertility, teach God’s word. But I want to do it my way. I want to do it in a way I have control.
I fight God about what to do next to reach this massive God-sized goal of being a published author and a sought after speaker. Somehow I think if I do it my way I won’t fail. Instead I fight God rather than the enemy of my soul.
I fight on the safe turf of my own home rather than fight on the enemy’s strongholds. I do things in my own power rather than rely on God (who is bigger and way more necessary than I am to bless others).
I fight to remain comfortable when God wants me uncomfortable and desperate for Him. I fight for my independence when God wants me to become more and more dependent on Him. I fight to do something for God when He wants to do something through me. I fight to look like I have all the answers when only God holds the answers.
Instead of fighting God I need to be on my knees before Him, begging Him to work through me. I must stop fighting God and start letting God battle through me. I need to turn the battle to the unsafe areas in life. Places where there are no pretty answers and still speak truth into those circumstances.
When God is doing the work in me – whether the world thinks I succeed or fail – I am victorious because through His power I can say no to my sinful self and yes to Him.
Victory in Jesus, my Savior forever…Victory because He empowers me. He empowers you too.
What is He calling you to do that is beyond you?