When All You Want is an Apology

“I should have known better,” my thoughts beat at my bruised heart. “I can’t even get to church on-time.”

As I stood in line waiting for food, my thoughts continued dragging me down. It felt as if a black cloud hung over my head.

L interrupted my thoughts as she raced toward me, “You didn’t bring E’s fruit strip.” She wrinkled her nose and shook her head.

My heart clenched. “I can’t believe you forgot your daughter’s fruit strip,” my self-talk kicked into high gear. “If I was being graded I would get an F for tonight.”

“Did you check all the bags?” I couldn’t believe I forgot a fruit strip. In our family forgetting a fruit strip is a major offense. Apparently when I forget a child’s fruit strip I am sending the message, “I don’t love you” or “I care about your siblings more than I care about you.”

By the time I make it to the table with some food, E was nearly in tears. She squinted her eyes and spoke in a less than honoring tone. I felt terrible. I admitted I made a mistake and asked for forgiveness. What else could I do? I thought I put the fruit strip in her bag, but I guess I never did.

After dinner each of my kids grabbed their bags as we headed to our Wednesday night activities. E reached in her bag and guess what was in her bag? Her fruit strip. She was pleasantly surprised and she cheerfully munched on it as we walked through the church. I tried to help her understand that an apology for the way she treated me would be fitting. She didn’t buy it.

Later I told a friend, “All I want is an apology.” I didn’t think that is too much to ask right? I mean I worked hard for my kids. I love them and I deserved at least that.

But then a still small voice spoke to my heart, “You do the same to me, Angela.” I felt like a big black pot pointing at a tiny kettle and telling the kettle it was black.

We complain about a situation. When it turns out perfectly we tell God thanks for working things out, but we don’t ask forgiveness for our attitude. Yes we can tell God how we feel, but doesn’t He deserve respect and honor? When we throw a fit at Him shouldn’t we ask forgiveness? Doesn’t God deserve it?

When all we want is an apology, maybe next time we can look to God instead of ourselves. When we see who we really are, we can let go the frustration of not getting the apology we think we deserve and thank God for the grace He gives us.

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Angela
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3 Responses to When All You Want is an Apology

  1. Amen, Sister.  Don’t you love those moments where you think you’ve got it figured out what you deserve, then God points out – oh so gently – how we do Him?

    I was jogging one day, and condemning Him for not letting me have children, when I heard in the smallest sweetest voice inside “I never said you will not have children.  The doctor told you that.  You have no idea what my plans for you are.”  Literally.  And I realized how I had been crucifying Him all over again without giving Him any faith, grace, or gratitude.

    Great great message.  Thank you for sharing! <3
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