It hangs like a fog around my heart and soul.
My gaze turns to myself–what I have, what I don’t, dreams unmet, longings unfulfilled.
My dreams of more give direction, but if I am not careful they feed discontent. Why don’t I have it? I want it for His glory.
The discontent changes the way things look and my perception of reality. Small things shrouded in fog appear huge, insurmountable. Something not even God can conquer.
My soul feels raw, uneasy. The fog blinds my mind and my eyes to truth. Spiritual amnesia settles in and lies whispered become easier to believe than the light of truth. My eyes get used to the haze of the fog and the light of truth burns.
The fog becomes comfortable and the truth painful. Yet the truth is what heals and the pain brings purpose. Chasing away the fog of discontent requires the painful yet glorious light of truth.
God is able, but He may not because He has a better plan. I have to stand in the light of truth to burn away this fog of discontent–to cling to God despite my unfulfilled longings. Standing in the light means I must trust God’s plans are far better than mine. I must pry my fingers open and lay my longings, rights, and dreams down.
It sometimes feels like dying, but isn’t that what God calls us to do–to die with Christ in order to live? He asks us to offer ourselves as living sacrifices and living sacrifices are those things that die in order to live–like Christ.
Prying open my fingers, laying my dreams, longings, and rights down are all part of dying. Yet this dying isn’t to merely die, but to truly live.
Oh that I would live in the light of this truth that the fog of discontent stay far away.