My heart is tight. Frustration mounts. Things are not going how I think they should go.
I feel overwhelmed. I am not focused on the thing God wants me to do, but on all the things that I am not doing.
I doubt. I struggle. I wonder. I freak-out. I calculate what-ifs and borrow trouble from tomorrow.
I claw and scrape and struggle to make things happen my way. I don’t wait for God to open doors or to show me which doors to knock on.
It is a fight. A fight to remember that God has set me on this blogging, writing, speaking journey. A journey that I did not choose, but He brought. A path that is growing, changing, and challenging me. Each step of obedience I take, God confirms His call on my life.
Yet I doubt and struggle. I fight with my pride and struggle with my fears. I hear words of encouragement and don’t trust myself to give God the glory. I cast my net when God is silent thinking I have to do something. Yet He wants me still.
I struggle feeling so small and in the next breath I puff up with pride. It is a spiritual battle. One in which my flesh wants to win, but God’s Spirit is what saves.
Satan roars at me that I cannot do this. He puffs himself up to a nine-foot tall giant. A giant that will topple with one stone of God’s truth. Oh, but I must remember that the battle is not mine. 1 Samuel 17:45-47 says,
45 David said to the Philistine, “You come against me with sword and spear and javelin, but I come against you in the name of the LORD Almighty, the God of the armies of Israel, whom you have defied. 46 This day the LORD will hand you over to me, and I’ll strike you down and cut off your head. Today I will give the carcasses of the Philistine army to the birds of the air and the beasts of the earth, and the whole world will know that there is a God in Israel.47All those gathered here will know that it is not by sword or spear that the LORD saves; for the battle is the LORD’s, and he will give all of you into our hands.”
The battle is the Lord’s. He will prevail. His victory often looks different than we imagine. His ways are different than our ways.
He allows this battle of the flesh to continue that we may always be dependent on Him. That we may never forget how desperate we are without Him.
As I focus on my Savior instead of myself, my tight heart relaxes. My peace returns, my hands open. I notice that they are now filled. Filled with gifts from Him. So I continue to count…
541. My battle with my flesh…That I cling to Jesus more and more
543. Singing…I feel God’s smile as I sing to Him
544. Tax free weekend – got some great deals
545. Fun times staying home
546. Grace-filled husband
547. Some time with E
548. Time with friends
549. God in the details
550. Chubby cheeks to kiss
551. Siblings holding hands
552. Three voices laughing hard belly laughs together
553. Special blankets made by Grandmother
554. Nighttime prayers
555. L sleeping with her door closed
556. Memorized scripture
557. God’s living and active word (I can never know enough)
558. 4th, 5th, and 6th graders in Sunday School (I love them and am challenged by them)
560. Supportive husband
561. My second edition of my newsletter went out last week
What are you thankful for? I can’t wait to hear.