Last week was extremely busy. Three programs, one field trip, my in-laws came to visit, and field day at school. I was running, running, running. When days are busy I don’t take good care of myself. I don’t sleep when I should, I don’t eat what I should. I begin to run on empty. Spiritually empty, physically drained, completely wiped out.
In fact my relationships suffer because I get so focused on what I have to do and getting it done that I forget to foster them. Then I don’t even foster my time with the Lord. Oh I read His word, but with my mind focused on what I need to do next so my heart isn’t tuned to Him. I can’t hear Him through the static of what I think is so urgent.
There never seems enough time and I can never get enough done. My insides grow raw and irritated. Nothing seems right and I pout or sulk or feel sorry for myself. In this raw yucky state I begin to question life, my purpose, my direction. Then doubt settles in.
“Who am I to teach God’s word? I can’t even keep a home and three kids much less be spiritual enough to show others God! Maybe I should stop. Stop everything.”
My logical mind steps in and tries to reason with my unruly emotions.
“God has called me. I know it. He has confirmed each step. I just have to be obedient to take each step.”
Then my emotions take charge again.
“How do you know what IS the next step?”
I am so spiritually dry and disconnected that I don’t hear God’s voice of reason and truth. His word doesn’t come to mind to remind me that He loves me, He has plans for me, or even that I just need more of Him. Instead I wallow.
Then my pastor says something during service on Sunday. He reminds me that when I even try to do ministry apart from God I can do nothing. Bottom line. When I think I can do things without Him, when I try to do things in my own strength, He reminds me that I can’t. He steps up and tells me
“Apart from Me you can do nothing.” (John 15:5)
Apart from Him all this writing is just words on a page. Apart from Him the all persuasive speaking in the world is just hot air. Apart from Him teaching His word will never result in lives changed. It isn’t me, it is Him. More of Him and less of me. Oh that my life would be founded on that plea. That every step I take, every word I write, every phrase I utter be filled with His Spirit.
Thus begins my list of things I for which I am thankful…
481. It isn’t about me, it is about God.
482. I can never do enough and God doesn’t expect me to.
483. Grace is sufficient for me, so I don’t have to work it out. God already did.
484. Jesus’ death and resurrection, I don’t deserve it!
485. My husband who puts up with my moods.
486. My children and their growing faith. God is good.
487. Friends who lost their home in a fire are all safe.
488. Teaching my children and myself that change is hard, but God is good.
489. Freedom in Christ to be the woman He called me to be.
490. Little voices squealing in delight as daddy chases them.
491. The opportunity to give
492. God gives direction and wisdom when we seek Him
493. Three health children
495. Cool spring temperatures
496. Spell check (I am a terrible speller)
497. My husband, my biggest cheerleader
498. My parents who are walking out their faith before me
499. Unforeseen opportunities that may pan out or not
500. Watching a friend make a difference
501. Praying for friends
502. Starting cleaning out my room for an office/craft space for me.
503. The sound of birds chirping in the crisp Spring morning
504. My in-laws, they came to visit last weekend and it was a great time.
505. Taking the time to read a book for fun this weekend. (Francine Rivers rocks!)
What are you thankful for? What are you doing apart from God that you need to wait for Him to move? Can’t wait to hear what God is doing!
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