I haven’t posted in a really long time. That isn’t really a confession since I am sure you have noticed. However, the reason behind this lack of posting is truly interesting.

I have been feeling dry and raw. I think we all periodically feel
distant or
prickly or
like our hearts are on the wrong channel.
Like trying to tune the radio of your heart to your favorite station and
somehow you can never quite get it tuned in right.

A page from a Victorian Confession album

Image via Wikipedia

Well, I have been feeling that way and wondering why…

The bottom line is that I am a mess.
I am not organized, but I aspire to have an organized house.
I want a clean kitchen
and laundry that gets folded and put away.
But I am not that person…Oh, but I try to be that person.

I am not the most thoughtful person.
I want to  remember birthdays and send out the best
Christmas letters, but I don’t.

I am not the most insightful person.
I have sweet friends who share and discuss and think of great topics
to mull over together, but I don’t.

The more I get to know myself, my true self, the one apart from Christ,
I honestly can say I am an ugly sinner.
I do not like the things I think or the things I do.
It is serious ugliness.

But I try.
I try my self-help, self-talk and tell myself, “YOU CAN DO IT.”
The truth is that I can’t.
I can’t live up to the Martha StewartBeth Moore – Carol Brady – Supermodel standard I set for myself.
Most of which no one could do and live up to nor did God call me to do.
True lasting life change doesn’t come in the form of New Year’s resolutions or goals or plans.
No true lasting life change comes from God.

You see I am a helpless sinner.
Jesus goes so far to say, “Apart from Me you can do nothing.” (John 15:5)
Oh, but the joy that there is in knowing that in Him I am free.
Jesus also tells us, “I have not come to call the righteous [or perfect], but sinners to repentance.” (Luke 5:32)

Do you see it?
Jesus wants us the mess that we are.
He wants us to cling to Him because without Him we can do nothing.
Oh but with Him…
“Now to Him who is able to do immeasurably more than all we ask or imagine, according to His power that is at work within us,” Ephesians 3:20

Let’s free ourselves from our own expectations.
Will you join me in laying it all down at God’s feet?
Asking Him what He has for us to do.
Then do ONLY what He guides us to do.

I would love to hear from you.
Leave a comment so I can pray with you as we let go of our expectations.

Blessings Friends!

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0 Responses to Confessions…

  1. I hear ya, sister. Thanks for keeping it real. You’ve been on my heart lots lately, but as much as I want to be that friend who takes the time to say, “hey, you’ve been on my mind,” I’m not who I want to be either. Praying with you that we will both lay it all down and let Him pick us up.

  2. Jami says:

    So true! So true! I feel like this many days. I think it is so important to let go of the unreal expectations we have for ourselves. I have a hard time doing this, but I know that I would be a much more content and less stressed person, if I would just lay it at His feet! Thanks for the reminder friend!

  3. Tracy Nunes says:

    From one messy girl to another…good job! Although my blog is actually called “A Mess for Jesus,” I did not really learn this to the deepest measures until my recent surgery, recent heartache, recent rejections…all piled exponentially on top of eachother, all serving to drive me to His Feet and sit there and saying with complete certainty that He is the only One who deserves any glory and we are so blessed to be even able to have His glory shine upon us, let alone to be filled with it. Thank you Angela for a very good and real post. People need real people who are willing to show their heartache, and their mess for the sake of His kingdom.

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