You are NOT Alone

Are you having difficulty conceiving a child?  Are you struggling with grief, isolation, and pain?  Is your faith being shaken?  Well sister, here is a place for you to come.

I am writing this blog in the middle of my journey.  I call it the middle because I although God has blessed my husband and I with children, I still want more.  However, we have no more embryos in which to do in-vitro fertilization. IVF was necessary for two of my three children.  My husband, my children, and I do not feel able to go through that process again.  The excitement of possibility, the joy of holding a child, the pain of loss, are too much for us to try again.  Not to mention the horrible hormones.  The hardest part for me was having part of my heart in a freezer for four years.  Those precious embryos were my babies, whether I got to hold them in my arms or not.  I was nearly giddy the day I finally got to take those last three embies home.  Although I did not get pregnant with that cycle, and lost those three babies, I was so excited to take them home.

This blog will be about things I have learned through God on this journey.  I am still in the middle of waiting for God’s hand.  Waiting for Him to change my heart, make a miracle in my body, or place a baby that needs to be adopted on my doorstep.  Come with me.  Ask me questions, ask God questions.  Let’s do this together!

I’ll post my complete story shortly.



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12 Responses to You are NOT Alone

  1. praying4blessing says:

    Thanks for sharing your journey! Trying to hang on to faith, hope and God through infertility is not spoken of enough. God bless you!

  2. Lorri says:

    I have read a little bit of your story and wish I knew you personally. I don’t have any friends struggling with infertility that already have kids; as I do. I have such guilt because “I should just be happy with what I have”– as I have heard over and over from well meaning people. I have almost 5 year old twins and desperately want another and it just isn’t happening. Please say a prayer (or two) for me.

    • Sweet Lorri…I will pray for you. Keep me posted on your journey. If you want you can e-mail me… angela (at) rethinkingmythinking (dot) com

      It would be an honor to walk beside you as you struggle with this issue.

  3. Alex says:

    Angela, thank you for sharing your journey. We’ve been on this journey nearly 6 years. Such a long story, but by the grace of God we’ve been blessed with one little girl. We’ve since been trying for two years again and sadly this journey has not become easier but rather more complex, so much so that IVF might soon be our only option if we want more children. It is such an overwhelming decision to make. Thanks for showing the world that it can be done in a manner that honours each precious life and intimately the Giver of life. We are really struggling to know what God’s will is for our lives… Please pray for His wisdom and his peace and comfort in the coming month.

  4. Leah says:

    I am so grateful to have found your blog! I have been blessed with 2 children naturally, but I am now dealing with premature ovarian decline. We just tried IVF and my body didn’t respond at all to the hormone shots. We had just one egg, and that one little egg didn’t fertilize. Like others have mentioned, people say, “Well, at least you have 2…” But, there is deep heartache because we really would like more kids. Thanks for providing a place where I can be reminded that I’m not alone.

  5. Brigette Marrero says:

    My Husband & I have one child. My boy is 11 years old and such a blessing!
    I have longed for more children for years and we’ve tried for 7 years.
    We are not faced with intrauterine insemination or IVF.
    I’m 38 & my husband is 39.
    The doctor stated now is the time.
    My question is how do you know it’s in God’s will and not mine? How do we know if IVF is God’s will?
    My husband has stated to me that he doesn’t know if that’s the route we should go and doesn’t feel that it’s God’s will.

    • Amanda says:

      I am struggling with those exact same questions and am wondering if you have come to any conclusions about them.
      I do not know where you are at now in your journey, but you and your family will be in my prayers

  6. Amanda, I knew IVF was the route God gave us because my husband and I were united in the decision. And my husband was not ready for adoption. We also financially could afford IVF and the fees we had to pay. Then the doors began to open. And we stepped through them. I pray God gives you peace about your decision and unity for you and your husband.

  7. Mrs AW says:

    Hi Angela, I found your post 2 years ago when I had my second ectopic.

    My husband and I have an amazing 4 year old son who we had naturally after our 1st ectopic, Our Miracle child; Our Champion.

    We have had a hard and bitter journey in our 6 years of marriage, But thanks be to God, He has shown us favour. (trust me its taken a lot for me to say that)

    We decided to embark on IVF in September of this year, as it is our only option. Everything went smoothly, I survived the needles (I am needle phobic), the egg collection went well; we got 10 eggs, 8 fertilised and 7 got to blastocyst stage. Everything went well on transfer day, we put the statistically best egg back.

    Sadly, we didn’t get pregnant.

    I keep asking myself “what went wrong”. “why” “why didn’t I get pregnant”. Getting pregnant had never been an issue before.

    SO now, I have 6 babies in the freezer, and although my husband is supportive, I find myself lacking in faith to carry on. I am doubting if it will work, I am so low and down-hearted.

    Ironically, I am surrounded by pregnant women and new born babies. I am happy for all my friends, but I find that each good news makes me feel sad and draws me even more into my shell.

    I want to go ahead with IVF but I can’t do it if I am feeling this way. I am due to start the next cycle in a month.

    • Oh I get that emotion so well. But the truth is we have to trust God’s timing. His perfect ways even when they burn like fire because to whom else can we go? God has given you the privilege of caring for those precious frozen babies. If you never get to hold them in your arms you, you will get to hold them in your womb. You are their mommy. And their best chance is to be transferred into your womb.

      The question I have to ask myself often is what am I placing my joy in? Is it in an unchanging God who loves me and has perfect plans through the grief and pain of this life or is it in circumstances beyond my control? Too often I cling to circumstances rather than an all-loving, unchanging God.

      I pray that God will give you peace and assurance as you walk this road with your husband.

  8. redhedshoper says:

    My sweet husband and I just found out 4 days ago that we will most likely need to pursue IVF, due to male factor infertility. I am devastated. We suspected problems and went “early on” to see a specialist after 8 months of trying. Turned out my gut instinct that all of my friends and family were poo-pooing was right. I knew in my heart something was not right. I am so scared as we have only about 60% of the money we are going to need for IVF. Plus I already suffer from anxiety, and am so nervous of the mental toll this will take on our family of two. I am thanking God that I have the most supportive husband to hold my hand through it all, but I have moments of anger and feeling like why is this happening to us? We know couples who are careless parents and that got preg on accident and I sometimes feel resentment even though I know thats wrong. I am struggling with this heartbreaking news. Thank you for your blog and vulnerability.

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